Good Times & Bad Ones

Freedom

2009-08-15T23:22:00.000+05:30

No border, bold enough.
No wall, tall enough.
Skies, not far enough.
World, not vast enough.

I don’t stop. I don’t wait.
I don’t care what bus leaves at eight.
I make my rules. I mould my fate.
My own words on my own slate.

I don’t know where my cell phone is.
I don’t mind what calls I miss.
Write your rules. But still beware.
I do care, but a lot more for my hair.

I am that bird. I don’t sit and think.
I spread my wings. I’m gone while you blink.
Free.
Like wind over an open sea.

Happy Independence Day Y’all.

Anniversathree

2008-08-14T15:49:00.002+05:30

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It's three years since my blog came about to be. On 14th of August, 2005. Can't believe I've stuck with it for so long. I thought I was going to dump it the very next day I started it. It brought out quiet a few strange things out of me ( Poems!? ). Taught me a lot. Spawned many introspective sessions. Introduced me a lot of nice people. But most of all, when I look back at the archives, it shows not only how 'much' I've changed, but also 'how' I changed. It's kinda a 'mini' life inside of life.

Cool.

I like it.

And thanks to all the 'almost-non-existent' commentinators.

P.S. : To new bloggers: Think you'll see it until this day? Noobies? Ha! :p

Material Excess

2008-08-04T22:44:00.001+05:30

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The last thing I knew was that I was trying to sleep yesterday with such a bloated stomach that I was scared that my stomach and liver would switch places if I rolled over in sleep. Suddenly, I was in the rented-out house upstairs my grandma's house in Vellore. For some reason I was running around the house trying to hide in all the various places - under the bed, inside the cupboard and all that. Someone in every room kept asking me what I was up to, but I had no time to answer. After getting frustrated about not being able to hide anywhere, I ran out of the back door into a balcony, only to see a little army closing in on the house from one side. My heart started pounding hard and I just jumped out of the balcony to the ground and started running. The army started to chase me. At one point I was totally exhausted and started to slow down. The army was so close to me now. My foot hit hard on a rock and that was all I could take. I fell down to ground breathing hard. And the dangerous group closed in around me totally and pointed their guns at me. When I looked up, standing there was none other than Che Guevara, the communist rebel himself. There was this sexy chick near him, perfect to the shape and wearing a military camouflage with the sleeves rolled up above the elbow, looking at me with seething eyes. As I looked at her, with heavy breaths, she started to speak in some strange accent, 'Dzis ees dhe boy, more dzanae few of our people can use dzi foood he so greedhily consoomes'. And I looked back at Guevara. He was staring at me, so angry almost chewing on the cigar in his mouth. I start to plead, "No, I won't eat so much from now. I'll eat less. Please". He raised a techno-looking pistol at me. There was a laser beam coming from above the little silencer fitted on it. As I looked down at the hovering red dot it made on my belly, he muttered loudly under his clenched teeth - "Die! Fat Pig!". I heard a loud crack as I woke up with a start.

I really concerned about my sub-conscious now. I've had some pretty strange nightmares. But this!

I knew he was a dangerous rebel and all but I never thought eating a lot is against communism. To be on the careful side, I looked up wikipedia to see where he is currently living. Felt kinda foolish albeit relieved to see that he hasn't been breathing for like, 41 years now. Happaada.

"Eppadiyellaam peedhiya kelapparaanga."

Now, where was that pack of potato chips?

The Big O

2008-07-15T21:52:00.001+05:30

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Did you know that you could go back and forward in your browser by just dragging your mouse, like you would flip pages in a book? Did you know that you could just double click on a word you see and select 'Dictionary' from the popup menu that appears, to look up it's meaning? Or better, translate it to some other languages? Did you know that your browser could display a neat thumbnail menu of nine of your favorite web pages so you can just open your browser and start clicking away? Did you know that your browser could have an integrated download manager? A bit torrent client? An email client too? All this and more without the need to install a single additional plug-in if you have Opera the browser. The cool piece of software is free for download and available for almost every operating system out there. I think it's better than Internet Explorer and Firefox. I'd recommend it for anyone I love.

The Opposite Of Home Sick

2008-07-10T22:48:00.001+05:30

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Alright Ubuntu was good. But I'm back with good old Windows XP (SP3 now). Neither Linux, nor a Mac, not even the mighty Windows Vista was able to break me away from my sweetheart. That's Windows XP to me. But let me come back to what I was going to post about. It's ironic that I'm blogging about this rather than doing the obvious. I'm 'Outside-Sick'.

I just realized it's days since I saw sunlight. Being jobless is taking a huge toll on my timetables, mood, health and everything. I'm just glued to my computer unless I'm sleeping. I forgot my friends. I forgot my bike. The heck I totally forgot what I did when I was not at my computer. My head is aching. So are my fingers. Shoulders and everything. I feel like I'm a big beany bag or something.

The Idleness is growing on me. I just want to shut the PC and get out of my house. I hope people still remember me. God I have a beard! I don't even know why I'm sitting in front of the computer right now. Maybe it's just because I don't know what else to do. I can be on my treadmill instead. I can be faking a stomach ache. I can be crying about my dead grandmother. I can be at an ice cream stall. I can be fixing my bike's side stand. I can be at my computer class. I can be job hunting. I can go party with my friends. I can be at a movie theater. I can be at a fast food. I can be at the beach. I can be doing anything else, anywhere else. But just take me away from my computer. I think it's trying to kill me. Seriously, somebody help me.

But the thing is, It's 10.46 at night now. I can't do most things I normally could. So I should just shut this computer down and go sleep. I will do anything to get a tiny little glance at my dear Mr. Brighty Fireball right now.

Ubuntu

2008-04-27T08:28:00.003+05:30

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This is the first time I'm trying Ubuntu. I already received a free CD of the previous version from someone I don't even know (yes, they send you a CD for free if you just ask at the website!). But I never really wanted to install it with having my computer running fedora. So I gave it away to someone else. Now with some 20 days to go before I can get the new Fedora, I thought I should try this much hyped distro. So I went ahead and downloaded Ubuntu 8.04 through bit torrent.

I've never really seen this cool type of installation, so i don't know if this is the first OS to do it. You just put in the CD and the computer loads the OS from the CD and gives you a working system straight away. You can use it for your work just like that, without even an installation. That's okay. But the cool thing is, you can install your OS to hard disk from that platform itself. Just like running an application (that's cool because you can test the packages with your computer before attempting to actually install them). I was expecting to answer a lot of questions. But this distro has a good default selection of applications so makes a good job of installing without too many questions. And it configured windows vista into it's boot loader. Now that's nice. I had problems with that when I tried to install fedora 8 dual boot.

Post installation, I had to add a few things because Ubuntu does not install non-free components by default. So, I added support for playing MP3s and movies and some nVidia drivers. Everything was really simple. I just double clicked an MP3 file and it asked me if I wished to download the codecs. I just had to say yes to play my MP3 files. But that's it now there was a complete system running. It's two days and I never had to login to windows. Yup! It mounts windows partitions like nobody's business. We only double click. And what's more, it's never crashed yet.

The orange-brown default theme is just so pleasant to look at. And thanks to my graphics card, there are some cool visual effects on the desktop too. The great thing is, it runs as fast without the effects on my other older computer without a graphics card. The only thing I had against linux was font rendering. But it's awesome in Ubuntu. It seems to me that it's actually making some websites more readable. The fonts are so clear and smooth. It's got some default games, office applications, instant messaging, firefox, gimp, cd burning software and all the stuff most people use computers for. Very easy to use.

Considering that this is a free operating system, I can easily say that it's the best deal out there. It's good, it's light, it's bloody useful. I've actually started to recommend this for people. Especially the ones new to computers.

Cool Lyrics 4 : Eye Of The Tiger

2008-04-22T00:42:00.001+05:30

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I've actually been wondering that it's so long since I put up a cool lyrics post. I saw Rocky Balboa a few days ago and was reminded of this song. It's by Survivor, in it's 1982 album, 'Eye Of The Tiger'. It was made for a theme song for Rocky III. I really like that song but never bothered to pay attention to the lyrics (only so much English I can understand from movies, see?). But turns out that it has some wonderful lyrics that totally reflects Rocky. I should put it on my blog. So here goes, for the best ever hero...

Risin' up, back on the streets -
Did my time, took my chances -
Went the distance now I'm back on my feet -
Just a man and his will to survive.
So many times it happens too fast -
You trade your passion for glory.
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past.
You must fight just to keep them alive.

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight -
Rising up to the challenge of our rival.
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night.
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger.

Face to face, out in the heat -
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry -
They stack the odds, still we take to the street
For the kill, with the skill to survive.

Risin' up, straight to the top.
Had the guts, got the glory.
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop.
Just a man and his will to survive.

The eye of the tiger.
The eye of the tiger.
The eye of the tiger.
The eye of the tiger.

Why There Was No V Day Post This Year?

2008-04-19T23:33:00.001+05:30

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Because my love life sucks (Like it was any different before that? I hear you yes). The girl I loved went to some other city for work and never bothered to trouble me with knowing that city's name. Loves me too much you see. And another girl's getting married this month. She's avoiding me like crap. I think she's expecting some psychotic behaviour or something from me. And another one kept telling me how she loves this guy at work (ouch). And another one... never mind. You get the picture? Mrs.Venus hates me.

But now it got me thinking, what would I do if I never come across a girl that's true enough? For all my life? I don't think along the lines of marriage or anything. But I haven't enrolled myself in this 'pure friendship with girls' movement either. In fact, I believe it's an insult if someone from the opposite sex says that they have nothing to do with the little sexuality that's in you. Or they are lying. I know we always try to calculate how much potential the other person has, in being our mate (especially if that person belongs to the opposite sex).

I don't have no problem with the girl that was in love (sort of) with me and then gets an arranged marriage (with someone else). I don't have no problem if the girl I longed for went to some other city and got some new boyfriend. Really. No problem. But why does she have to avoid me or anything after that? Can't people just have some peace and ask their exes to be friends, even though they can't commit anymore? I mean, it's really disgusting. Talking to a person with lotsa love and all and then, just leaving them behind because YOU're scared of them. Not my mistake. It's YOURs. YOU're the one people must be scared of.

You must be in hell, Mr.Valentine. That's where you must be. And take these people with you. They're no good.

And by the way, Lazy Lavender gave the clouds background for the above picture. Thanks :)

Lazy Jack

2008-04-18T22:35:00.001+05:30

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There was a lazy man jack,
Who thought his life was so slack.
He started a blog,
But let it clog.
Now he wants his readers back!

Windows Live Writer

2008-04-14T22:10:00.001+05:30

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Just testing the new Windows Live Writer. I think this is cool (if it works). Would be so easy to edit and update my blog. This is awesome because it lets me edit in an environment that looks exactly like my blog (the CSS).

As for the editing, it is perfect. Just the right thing for blogging. I would easily recommend it for anyone who wants to have an offline blog editor. It's sheer simple to use. I just entered my blog's address and it automatically configured itself to edit my blog.

Now publishing...

It works! Not even a glitch! And this is Microsoft software publishing to a Google platform! Interoperability is one thing I've been expecting from Microsoft for too long now. I think this is a good start. It publishes not only to Live Spaces but also to Blogger, WordPress and a host of other blogging platforms. Some really good plug-ins are available here. Thanks to the cool Windows Live Writer SDK. Bring photos from Flickr, content from Firefox, translate with Google and much more with plug-ins. My favourite software company has just become better.

Cool.

Vista's A Beautiful Vista

2008-04-04T16:24:00.009+05:30

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We got Windows Vista and we totally love it. :)

Happy Independence Day

2007-08-15T23:51:00.000+05:30

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It all began when England's great queen,
gave British East India Company, a charter.
Trade in India my people, her words had been,
do whatever you like, buy, sell or barter.

Spices, Cotton, Silk and Tea.
Our own wealth, they sold back to us.
Territorial foothold, had been their plea.
Oh yes! Said King Charles, there wasn't a fuss.

Do traders really need military?
One they had! For they aimed at monopoly!
Poor Indians, paid lives for their luxury.
Our patience, they mistook for mere folly!

Over a hundred years, Indians bore,
the wicked lash of a so called company.
Until 1857, When there was a sudden uproar.
They arose to give them a run for their money!

This is not trade! Said the people,
run away now or we'll do you for good!
But the British reduced waves to a ripple,
through force and wit and whatever they could.

Once again, they rose to power!
"We're not just traders", they said,
"Your people we rule and your wealth we devour!"
India was suppressed! Her freedom finally dead!

But all was not lost! No, not yet!
For she still had her beloved children,
Who were angry and bold and challenged their threat!
United they stood, as a pretty gigantic brethren!

"Help us in the world war", said British,
"Then maybe, we'll give you something worthwhile."
We did and we gained, but a few wishes so kiddish.
They deceived us. So cunning and wretched and vile!

"Leave us alone", said Mahatma.
"We'll just kill you all", said Nethaji.
Britain said, "Oh, enough with the melodrama.
And do remember, our great war technology!"

They thought India was just space.
But no, She was their mother so dear.
Beyond caste, creed, colour and race,
Her children stood as one, strong and sincere!

Wherever they dropped a bomb shell,
There was waiting, an Indian chest.
Whenever they sent a father to hell,
Then arose a hundred sons, fighting their best.

The Dhandi March was marched,
While the INA sought a good fight.
Every street, was seen to host a de-marche,
Her Holiness was crushing the British might!

A great soul, finally mustered,
A master plan, so strong and sure!
Civil Disobedience! Now the enemy flustered,
in front of such strength, so weak and poor!

"Quit India", the lions roared,
"Of course we will", the puppies cooed!
Up above them, the tricolor soared!
Overnight, fled away the prude!

A little boy wakened his father.
It was August 15th of 1947,
"What's the matter? Why do you bother?"
Asked the dad who was a sloven.

Said the boy, with pep and pride,
"Wake up dad, it's almost day break!"
The pain and shame, today, has died.
Our country is free and it's ours to take!"

Happy Independence day to all! Vandhe Maatharam!

The Path They Took

2007-08-14T23:59:00.000+05:30

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I was fooling around with the statcounter site. And I thought I should look at what keywords brought people to my site by search. Because that's the only way I'd have visitors. (En bloga oru vaatti padichhaa adhukkapram avnga ooravittae odiruvaangalla). Most of them, I expected. But some, totally unrealistic. I thought I should post a few of them.

"can i belieave sunitech solutions?"
Wow! Someone actually trusts the internet. So when I start my own consultancy, the first thing I'll do is to put up "Manoj consultancy is very trustable" on as many websites as I can. (What are the blog comments section for?!)

"intersted physical love auntys adderas or phone number"
Yeah, that, I have a lot.

"history of dosa"
That's OK I guess. Because my site actually has some info about dosa. But to think about the fact that someone is actually interested in the history of dosa!? "Just eat it"

"how to get ride of love bites"
"Ride"?! Are you sure of that? I think he meant, "how to get a ride on a lovely bike". But that wouldn't have bought him to this site would it? (oh yeah... or 'her')

"upma blog"
Yeeaaay!!! My blog's upma blog! :)

"does a green shirt mean homosexual"
Oh god! Whoever screwed this world up so much?! Anyways I bet the seeker found his answers there. Inimae pachha sattai podumbodhellaam un nenappu dhaanadaa varum!

"i can't forget manoj"
...is that you uma? or is it nisha? poorna? geetha? sujatha? archana? mmm..... oh asinnnnnn!? ok ok ok. Apppppuram phone panrandaa sellam.

"manoj donkey fall in the well with farmer"
Seriously.. I didn't make that up! The donkey has to fall in well 'with' the farmer. And for some reason the search user had to search for 'manoj donkey'. No other donkey would do. No chance.

"i want a job in spencer plaza"
College padikkara varaikkum angadhaanadaa irukkeenga! Mudichappuramum vidamaateengalaa? Hmmm. All the best.

"donkey, ecards, well"
Someone searched for an e-card with the donkey on it, that says "Get well soon!". Or may be a donkey which chews ecards well. Or maybe some donkey is inside a well and they want to give it an ecard! Anyways, thanks for visiting. Hope you found what you looked for. Congrats.

There's lot more. But I think ten's a nice number. So long!!

And I forgot to tell, It's birthday for my blog! Heppy Bir'day!

Interview

2007-06-30T23:58:00.001+05:30

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Yesh, I went to an interview. Pretty nice experience. The cute girl at the reception asked me to fill out a form and give it back to her along with my resume. I did and sat on a chair quiet close to her. I don't think she is very happy working at an RSP (Recruitment Solutions Provider). For those who don't know what it means, RSPs are people who get a fat sum of money from you and in return, they promise you that they'll get a job for you. So I was just sitting there waiting for my turn so I can tell the fat aunty that would be there in the interview cabin that I was not interested in them.

It was a pretty long wait. I can't believe they even registered some people. People fall for this stuff?! The pretty girl in pink came out of the office and was speaking on the phone with her dad. Idiot, was trying to convince her dad that these people were trustable. I was waiting... waiting and waiting. Staring blankly at the wall were the letters "SUN ITECH" was etched. Silly rhymes were coming to my mind ... "BUN BITEch", "GUN FIGHTech" and all.

And finally a lovely lady with a bloody sweet voice called me in. Actually I was expecting a rather big lady. But this one was pretty nice. Well, to look at and hear atleast. What happenned there was ...

Lady: I am so sorry to have kept you waiting Mr.Manoj.
Me: That's fine. Your receptionist was keeping me entertained.
Lady: [Puzzled look]
Me: [Smile ... the interview smile]
Lady: OK. Mr.Manoj, tell me something about yourself.
Me: Well, that's a pretty open question. What do you want to know about me?
Lady: Something. Anything. (Flick's her hair and gives a weird smile)
(Wow, Now she is trying to impress me by appearing confident. It's amazing how your confidence shoots up once you decide you don't want that job.)
Me: OK, I am a total chennaiite. Been here all my life. I'm very passionate about computer programming. Been a programmer since 10.
Lady: 10? Really?! (Raises eyebrows)
Me: Yeah, the computer science teacher in my school taught me programming in BASIC for a fees of 150Rs. I've been totally into it since then.
Lady: OK, Go ahead.
Me: You want to know more?
Lady: You were telling me about yourself.(Has a strict-teacher like look)
Me: OK. I like to have my feet on the ground at all times. Moving from place to place or idea to idea is not my thing. Very loyal.
Lady: Loyal?
Me: Yeah, I didn't switch to Deccan Chronicle from the Hindu even when they gave it for free at petrol bunks.(Both of us laugh)
Lady: That's loyalty too. Brand loyalty.
Me: Right, so I'll probably be loyal to you too.
Lady: (Eeeeeee:)
Me: I mean loyal to your company. My loyalty also extends to the work I am doing. I never just give up on things. I am the type that thinks something is better than nothing.
Lady: I'm sorry..
Me: I said I am the type that thinks something is better than nothing. For example, If I have only 5 minutes time for my violin practice, I would not skip it. Instead I would sit down and practice for those 5 minutes.
Lady: You are a violin player?
Me: Not a professional one. Not Yet.
Lady: OK, Manoj tell me about your skills.
Me: I'm a very efficient C++ programmer. That's what I do best. I also program in C# and Javascript. And I am very comfortable with Microsoft Visual Studio. I also design for the web. I have pretty good knowledge of CSS and XHTML. I can setup and maintain a Linux web server. I can program databases using SQL. ... Well, that's about it. Among the others not worth mentioning.
Lady: OK, Manoj, as you probably know, we train efficient candidates for placement in IT companies.
Me: Am I an efficient candidate? (Smile. Now I am customer. Payback time.)
Lady: (Laugh) Yes, I think you are. We will put you in three months of training and then you will start working directly with our client. I think you must be interested in .NET development. So I can put you in Demonos.
Me: (Sarcastic eye-brow raise) Really!?
Lady: (Doesn't mind) But before they can recruit you, We would have to train you for three months. Is that OK with you?
Me: Will I be paid during that period?
Lady: (Stumbles, but then continues smoothly) No, infact, you, must pay for the training.
Me: And how much will that cost me?
Lady: 5,000 rupees now and 26,000 next week. (Quickly adds) But your job is guaranteed and after the training, you will be earning 15,000 to 20,000 rupees a month.
Me: So, I should pay 31,000 for training with you?
Lady: Yes, but the job is guaranteed.
Me: If that's the case, can I pay after I secure my job?
Lady: No, that's not the company policy.
Me: Then I am afraid I can't take your offer.
Lady: OK (Smiles! D'oh. These HR managers are so used to doggish candidates that they don't even know how to respond when a candidate rejects the offer)
Me: (Smile back and reach my hand out to her)
Lady: (Looks blankly for a few moments and then understands that i am trying to shake hands with her. Smiles brightly and reaches hand out to me)
Me: Thanks a lot for calling. Bye.
Lady: Bye. Thanks for your time.
Me: (As I leave the cabin) No, the pleasure was mine. (smile)

Wow! That was a great interview! When I converse with men, I feel a pressure to compete or get into an argument. But strangely, I don't mind losing myself into a conversation with women. (Verrrrrry strange, no?) Pity it had to be such a stupid company with an idiotic scheme which I just couldn't bring myself to believe. So I left with a heavy heart.

And as I was leaving, the cute girl in pink was filling up the enrolment form. Can't believe her dad let her join this bogus. Romba aarvakkolaaruppaa..

Please Meet My Sweet Heart

2007-06-25T13:35:00.000+05:30

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This post is like my "Dilwale dhulhaniyan le jayenge". It's almost two years but still has a commenter. I don't mean it's a smash hit, but it keeps getting those rare comments. It brought me my first comment. Then it still brought me comments in 2006. And guess what? Now, it has brought me another comment in 2007. That's cool. Finally I have proof that people are more interested in tragedy than anything else. A Romantic Tragedy especially. Why else would a movie like "Sethu", do a hundred days?!

I don't know why that is so. What is so interesting in it? Romantic tragedies are so miserable. So miserable that you should not even say it out. Because if you say it out, your position could become more miserable. Like so, for example

Me: Dude, my girlfriend left me..
Best friend: Are you kidding!?
Me: Is that your idea of 'kidding'?
Best friend: ...
Me: What?
Best friend: So you don't go out with her anymore?
Me: No :(
Best friend: So you are not her boyfriend anymore?
Me: No. Why are you asking all these sick things man?
Best friend: So I can start dating her? :)
Me: ...
Best friend: What's her phone number?
[Then I kill him and the story is over]

Now that's what I call a romantic tragedy. It has romance, friendship, tragedy, comedy and action too.

And there is always this risk. It's about your second best girl. She has always liked you. And all these days she was dying to see you separated from your girlfriend and so she can make you her's. But the moment her thought succeeds, she gets this weird feeling that you are after her 'only' because you lost your girlfriend. So she feels inferior (whatever) and leaves you too. That retard. She could atleast be a good friend. Like taking you out, buying lunch. Taking you to the beach, kissing you, a little making out, swimming naked... the typical friend stuff. Get it?

OK, about the comment in question now. This girl, who calls herself the lazy lavender says that she can't believe that guys have feelings too. Of course you can't believe that. Are you crazy? We are not capable of being sensitive. We just pretend. I wrote that post only to show off like I am one of those love-victims of India while actually I am your average crazy sexist psychotic rapist just waiting for girls and little kids to fall into my trap. Hee Hee Hee.
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Cute, no?

Finally!

2007-06-23T12:03:00.000+05:30

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Mr.Blog had a summer makeover. New banner, colors and all. Did you see the parachute?

And, no more darkness. Nights are for sleeping. Days, are for flying high. I installed a bright new light in my lonely dark life. It's all new. Brand new. Like the flowers of the spring. Like hot idli's right out of the cooker. ... Wait a minute! Why sh'd you care?!

OK, Now let me give some credits. Meghalomania (the happy blog) inspired the design. That woman is a great designer. Gets credit for Blogchaat too. And I got the parachute idea from Fedora Community. Cheers for Fedora 7 folks!

All in all, my blog has become happier than ever!

See y'all soon!

Weird Donkey Story

2007-06-19T07:42:00.000+05:30

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I heard a really weird story recently. So weird that it deserves the above picture. It goes like this. There was once a farmer with a donkey and a well in his farm. (Why would a farmer have a donkey? Cow maybe, but donkey?) One day, the donkey falls into the well. The farmer looks at the situation decides that the donkey cannot be saved and that he should just cover the donkey up. So the village people start throwing mud into the well to cover the donkey up. (Uyiroda samaadhi). But the donkey keeps shaking the dirt off its body. As the donkey keeps shaking the mud off, the mud fills the well and the donkey gets out. Yup, they fill the whole well up. Wouldn't there be a huge pit around the well if the people have thrown so much mud?

No. I didn't make that story up myself. It's really a moral story that's existing for years. The moral is that we should use the stones thrown at us as stepping stones to success. Ain't that a scary thought?

I shay, wai' ntil dadonki dais and den tro da mud.

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Yeah, my mom too thinks i am soooo budhhishaali.

Ten Songs

2007-03-09T14:33:00.000+05:30

Ten Songs

The best of the songs I ever heard. They have the lyrics. They have the tune. Most of all, they have the emotion. These songs remind me that man can become immortal through art. These songs are perfect.

10. Kaakkai Siraginile
A very different angle to devotion. Penned by the greatest poet of all times. Add a cool tune to it. There you have the recipe to magic. I once heard in radio that this song is still played in Air India flights. K.J.Yesudas sung this song in L.Vaidhyanathan's music. Lyrics by Bharathiyaar. What i hate about this song is that it is very short. And given the wonderful tune, it just seems like a few seconds until the song is over.

9. Engeyo Thikkudhesai
Kamalhasan brings astounding emotion into his voice when he sings this number. He somehow, manages to reflect the depth of the situation in that movie in the pitch of his voice. The way in which the lyricist has dropped pretty serious messages seamlessly into just a very few lines makes this song a 'once-more' experience and a favorite of many many others. A Song by Ilayaraja + Kamalhasan + Vairamuthu.

8. Gaadi Bulaa Rahi Hai
This song is the one that taught me that good music also happens in other languages. I was a fan of this song ever since I heard it in a complimentary cassette from my dad's office. Psychology says that trains signify life. The train sounds in the background and the mature lyrics take you to a different world altogether. Everytime I hear this song, I go into a dream where I am sitting by the window in a train and flash-back my life. The song is composed by Laxmikant Pyarelal, Kishore Kumar sung it and it was penned by Anand Bakshi.

7. Ek ladki ko dhekha tho
Cute number. R.D.Burman 's genius. Need I say more? As a matter of fact, I need to say more. Javed Akhtar's lyrics. When it comes to describing a woman. No one can beat Javed Akhtar. Lovely descriptions he makes. I believe he is such a romantic in real life. The Usual Kumar Sanu rendition. I am never impressed by most bollywood singers and Kumar Sanu is also one of them. But he has did his share in sculpting this song.

6. Nila kaigirathu
Harini's voice is just so fresh, so young. It's the voice that would be perfect for fairy tale heroines. Isai Puyal's another super-human spin. Pretty good lyrics by Vairamuthu. It would never be fair to tell about this song and ignore it's video. Even though any song-video, that escapes pointless navel-baring is so welcome, songs like these are much more refreshing. It's really so original and different. The cute little girls singing and dancing all so happy is just so sweet to see. And at one point the little girl just runs over and hugs nasser around his neck. Whenever I watch that, I wanna have my own little daughter, right then. Sweet, no?

5. Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein
There are a million remixes of this song. Maybe a thousand bloggers have each sung their own version of this song on their blog. College girls try it. College guys try it. Music contests. Discussions. Radio. TV. This song is like god. It is everywhere. Sung by Lata Mangeshkar and Mukesh. Internet sez that the lyrics was written by a Sahir Ludhianvi. The guy must have been really love struck when he wrote it. The song was composed by Khaiyaam.

4. Narumugaye
Manirathnam always brings the best out of A.R.Rahman but this one is just too good to believe. When i first heard this song, I thought it was actually an old classic remixed by Rahman. NO. This is original. From Rahman. With Vairamuthu's lyrics. And what lyrics this man has written! Blend all that with a lovely, beautiful, artsy performance by madhubala. This song will just stay in my mind for all eternity. And how romantic Unni Krishnan's voice is. I don't know whether this song was sung by Bonnie Chakraborthy or Bombay Jayshree. (I think there are two female voices in the song .. ?)

3. Pennalla Pennalla
I know of a girl who tells me that she hates this song, but secretly wishes that it was actually sung in her praise. Now who wouldn't. It's such a soup of the sweetest words, that you can keep sipping and sipping and sipping and still not have enough. Sung by S.P.B. ... The S.P.B. You can't say anything about some people. There's just one word to describe them - "Gifted". This song was composed by A.R.Rahman and Written by Vairamuthu.

2. Pardhe mein rehne do
Isn't it such a kick, when Ashaji goes "Allah ... mere tauba ... ". This song's from a movie called shikaar in 1960's. Originally composed by Shankar Jaikishan and penned by a Hasrat Jaipuri. But I heard it only in a later remix. In an album called "Asha - Once More". Now that's a delicious title isn't it? "Kuzhal endrum, Yaazh endrum silar kooruvaar. Indha kural kaetta pinnaale avar maaruvaar". With a voice like that, I feel, she doesn't even have to try. Even thought this song is my personal favorite, i must say it's just one of the gazillion pearls from her.

1. Afreen Afreen
Did I tell you that Javed Akhtar is the best when it comes to describing women? That's right. If you have any doubts about that, you must hear this song. If you agree with that, you must hear this song. If you have never heard this song before, you must hear this song. If you have already heard this song before, you must hear it once again. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan is called 'Khan' for a reason. It's not possible for anyone else for such emotional singing. Nor is it possible for anyone else to write such lyrics. I heard this song on TV the first time. Lisa Ray was such a goddess. It was telecast so repeatedly on "All the best" and "SuperHit Muqabla" (Doordarshan Anyone?). So repeatedly, that any other song would have turned sour as sundakanji. But a rose is a rose is a rose. Isn't it?

Just as I sit here writing this post, a hundred other songs pop into my mind going - "me , me , me". Well, what shall i say? I am just lucky to live in this period where such lovely music can be heard and so easily available. And particularly lucky to have existed when these songs are around. And they make me wish I live until I hear all of them. But art is really long. Isn't it?

The World At Her Feet

2007-02-14T10:33:00.000+05:30

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At dawn, in a very dense forest,
So dark and green and wet,
Fresh from the night's rains,
And the leaves shivering from the cold.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like looking straight into her eyes,
And find her trying to retain that eye contact.

The thin, green leaves,
Of the funny touch-me-not,
Which shrinks impulsively,
Even upon the wind's soft touch.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like her, turning her head quickly,
Once she has realized she can't force that eye contact.

The priest's plate has a burning camphor.
People touch the flame, just for a little split second,
Believing that along with the warmth,
The goddess herself enters the palm.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like you are getting something from her hand,
And accidentally, her fingers brush upon yours.

Some people hear a beautiful song.
And they get so immersed in the feeling,
So immersed, that after the song is over,
They don't remember even one word of the lyrics.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like you have just finished talking with her,
And all that is left in your memory is the feeling.

Flower exhibitions have a strange thing about them.
Some people turn round and round, sniffing,
Trying to differentiate the fragrances,
That comes from each of the different flowers.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like you sit very close to her, and wonder,
Whether she is wearing perfume or it's just her breath.

Rats are caught with big slices of cheese.
They make those rats go out of reason,
The rats just walk, mesmerised, into the trap,
Wondering all the way - "Why is it lying there?"
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like you are watching the way she walks,
And doubt whether she is trying to lure you into a trap.

Depressions, Run-aways and Suicides.
People sometimes talk about loneliness,
And how dejected they feel about life,
That they'd rather be dead.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like she said "Bye", and you realize,
That one whole painful second has passed after that.

Once they featured a tornado on news.
It came down like a huge pillar from the sky,
Sucked up everything that existed underneath,
And threw them flying, in tune with it's wild whirl.
You may have seen it,
But do you know how it feels?
It feels like you have just met her a few seconds ago,
And realize,that you are already in love.

Love Bites!

2007-02-06T20:36:00.000+05:30

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It's that time of the year again. The time when, new found loves flaunt each other while fat, lonely losers like me breath fire along with heavy sighs, blankly watching on that special complimentary pages that newspapers so annoyingly carry on festive days. (And for those of you who are still wondering, yes, I am talking about the Valentine's day.

Not that I am that repulsive. I've had my fair share of girl friends and I still do. But the thing is no one will go out with me on valentine's day. They won't talk with me even on the phone on that day for the fear I may try to 'initiate' something. Or even meet me for the fear of being 'spotted' by someone. One may say, "What if you are spotted? The way things are these days, no body will doubt you". But di gals don't think that way. And you know what, the way things are these days, if one spots me with a boy on valentine's day, there are chances that word spreads around that I am homosexual. Let alone getting spotted with a girl on V day.

There always is a specific variety of girls that go, "Oh, was it valentine's day yesterday? I totally forgot, I was doing my assignment all day!". Yeah right, I know you've been hanging around with a bunch of sorry-looking, inapproppriately-dressed, like-minded women at the first floor of spencer plaza (or worse, going up and down repeatedly on the escalator ... you think thats a free jolly ride eh?) looking out in case something better comes around. And what do you know? It won't work. We boys plan ahead. We are not going girl-hunting on valentine's day, even if some of us like to tell you like that. We either get a girl to agree to give company weeks before valentine's day, or we accept defeat and sit in a friends room full of smoke and a T.V. set, running verrrrrry bad movies. No way we are coming into spencer plaza or elliot's beach with that little weak heart of ours just to look at the college beauty smooching with the college h(j?)unk. We'd rather lock our rooms from the inside and discuss all day about how the 'other' guys may be happy today but gotta suffer tomorrow and make a pact by the end of the day swearing we'd have a girl for sure on the next valentine's day. And you know what? You might find some guys that way too (in spencer plaza on valentine's day). But they don't go girl hunting, they go scraping for left overs.

There is another totally different league belonging to the stronger sex. The supreme stars on top of the ladder to geekdom, trying to be as sweet as a cherry. (Cherry? No, No, I did not try to make a pun). Now what do they do? They send e-cards. They scan through a gazillion websites starting months before valentine's day and make a database of verrry unique e-cards. (Well, there is always the risk of two guys sending the very same e-card to the same girl). Plus, they have to make sure that the card does not in any slightest sense say "I love you". Or even "I like you". (Even though that's what they have in mind. Why else is he reminded to send you an e-card in the first place?). It should only say "Happy Valentine's day". To further cut down on the risk, they make sure they send e-cards to all their male friends and relatives too. This way, they still seem innocent to the girls. All this just seems like childish innocence to me. Because the girl has two e-mail addresses. One, she gives in her applications, resumes, employers and her dad and her 'america'aunty. The other one, she gives to guys who ask. And the email address is probably shutdown by the service provider for "non-usage for long period of time". But what is sick is, the guys wait all day in front of their PCs expecting a reply.Now, You have to ask yourself one question - "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

There is a whole folly going under these V day color codes. Green dresses and Red dresses. You know what I am talking about? If you wear a green shirt, it means you are single and looking. If you wear a red shirt, it means you are committed (and still looking?). I guess there are even more meanings. Yellow means that you don't want a lover at this point. Orange means that you hate love and sex. Brown means that you'd like a short term relationship. Black means that you've had a love failure. Violet means that you are homosexual. White means that you have broken up your relationship and would still like to get back the same girl. Grey means that you have broken up your relationship and like to get her sister instead. Peach means that you have broken up your relationship and like to get her mother instead. Light Pink means you have broken up your relationship and like her grandmother instead. Bright Pink means you like her grandfather instead. (What else can you say about a guy who wears bright pink?). Wear blue if the only thing that loves you is your puppy. Run naked if you don't belong to any of these groups.

And what about the brands? The brands use diwali for sales, new year for sales. Valentine's day is no different too. "Drink cola and impress your lola". You can manage to sell anything if you can just relate it in some way with valentine's day. If you have a restaurant, serve your customers red-colored, heart-shaped idlis. And don't forget to stick a toothpick (shaped like an arrow) by the side. If you sell coffee, tell that it is love-coffee. If you sell insurance, say you've got a valentine policy that gives you a second girlfriend in case your first one dies. If you sell toilet paper, print love notes on it. For example, "Your skin, it feels like buffalo grass. Your breath, it smells like poison gas. I am scratching on my window glass. Now, go ahead and wipe your ass".

I don't believe in any of this.

You ask me what I believe then? Well I'll tell you. I believe that no single day can signify love. Nor any single "St.Valentine" can glorify it. What good is a love, that shows itself more on one day of the year, than the rest of it? Love is all around us, every single moment of the day. Every day of the year. If I say I am truly in love, then what's the point in celebrating a single day around it. I would celebrate my love throughout the year. People who are truly in love will feel no difference whatsoever on valentine's day. If you were totally in love on February 13th, how can you be 'more' in love on 14th? Or less in love on 15th? Love 24X7, and you won't need any valentine's day.

For hearts that can truly love, everyday is lover's day.

Exam time

2006-11-29T21:29:00.001+05:30

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Exam time. Late night coffee time. Early morning red eyes time. I've been writing my exams from 25th of November. But tonight, it struck me that actually, i have been writing exams right from 1988. And i should give these time-traps some more thought. I feel that apart from telling the big people that you have grown up enough to proceed to the next stage of life (or the next class), exams satisfy much more needs from the student point of view too.

It is during the exams that i convince myself that there really is a God. And i hope that He is not judgmental. And it is during exam times that i wake up in the morning and wonder if i really studied last night or i just dreamed, because i don't remember even a damn thing. Apart from that, it is during exam times that i reflect on responsibilities. Being the fun-loving, lazy person that i am, it is only when the exams come around, i get reminded that i have certain responsibilities. That, I have to serve for money in future. And education is an essential tool towards that making that goal, much easier. And exams make sure that i don't miss out on education.

Many a time, i have felt that there should be no exams in the education system. Then as i grew up, i was told that exams were necessary to make sure that whoever proceeded to a higher class (or place), deserved it. But that's not what is happening. Exam toppers are mostly people with big memory and i don't think that is a criteria to decide who should be promoted and who should not be. Like Einstein said, "The purpose of education is not to memorize the facts. The true purpose of education is to train the mind to think." But that is not happening. Nobody measures how intelligent a student is. They only measure how much of the syllabus' contents the student has memorized. Just learn by heart, a few maths formulae .. and you clear maths paper.

Hell, most don't even know what the symbols stand for and still they clear. And worse, they proceed to become important persons. Say doctors for example. In our state, only the top scorers in the board exam can be doctors. (I still don't believe the TNPCEE will be discontinued. That was the only hope for really intelligent students.) Now most of the future doctors are going to be people with top memory. But will they have the essential curiosity for researching into the human body and diseases? Will engineers be innovative and improve the world? Or will they just be passive workers applying their age old knowledge from their elephant-like memories to just keep earning money?

In other words, do people become what they really want to become? No. Not in most cases. Then what is the point is having exams? I agree. We need exams to stay in track. If it was like this - you study in school for twelve years and college for three or four years and then finally you write one exam. Yes. One exam. The first one of your life. How will that be? Nobody will get through that exam. We need short term goals to stay in track. And exams satisfy that. They keep reminding you that you have something to learn. But should they be used to judge whether you are ready to proceed?

No. It can be given a partial weightage. Because in some way, they state what you already know. But the other factors are what is necessary to decide promotions and selections. Nobody checks whether students applying for engineering are really interested in it and have enough IQ to be professionals in that field. Whether doctor wannabes are really interested in enhancing mankind or they just want it for the sheer pride and riches it can buy. Whether the student possesses the actual interest to learn the art and establish himself in wht he has chosen. Whether the student will fit into the profession he is about to choose. Nobody ever cares. This is why we have to keep grunting over doctors blaming for negligence, carelessness and so on. This is why we have mechanical engineers working in IT companies. Easy money spoils people. It hides other things in life. And the exams, in their current state, make it easier to spoil.

Exams just make sure that students just push on to score the highest marks. Not caring about what they are learning or why they are. People score in exams. But do they learn?

Chicken

2006-11-26T00:44:00.000+05:30

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What do you call a bird?
That looks so absurd.
Has a flight so deterred.
Quick! Answer in a word!

I'll tell you if i should.
But, did it beat you? Yes? Good.
Well, i don't know what you would,
But if you ask me, I'll say - "Food".

It tastes like heaven.
And the smell, elates even a sloven.
You only need one, to feed a group of seven.
Some may call it fowl, but most call it "Chicken".

The non-vegetarian star.
That only the austere can abhor.
For a piece, i'll even go to war.
For this is taste, that people "kill" for.

Rain Rain, Cleanse My Brain

2006-11-20T21:56:00.001+05:30

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Wow! A rhyme in the title! I should be a rap artist. :)

I've been wondering whether or not anyone is still remembering this blog of late. But Ponnarasi's comment came as a pleasant surprise and gave me a little energy to put a post up. Though i don't have much to write. I shall try to tell something to the rare reader. Okay here goes...

Last night, God came in my dream. Don't ask me which One. I don't know. I thought it was not manners asking His name. And, He was wearing a long black raincoat with the hood on. So can't say which One it is. And so, you are better off believing all Gods are the same. Plus, He told me that He was going to give me ten commandments and that i have to spread them. When i asked Him about the ten He has given already, He replied that these new ones are for rainy season. And those who won't follow it will rot in hell for all eternity. So read on mortals...

Thou shall not release dirty water from your house into the stagnant water on the road. Remember, you and your children have to walk on it too. And the mosquitoes won't be grateful as to forgive those who helped breed them.

Thou shall not splash water on pedestrians while riding. Two wheeler riders have to be considerate to those who walk. And four wheelers have to be considerate to two wheelers as well.

Thou shall always keep in mind while riding or driving, that wet roads are slippery. During rains, your brakes are not as efficient as they should be. Also, you could easily slip when you do cuts on your bike.

Thou shall remember that when its raining, driving a four wheeler might be as easy, but riding two wheelers are not. Be considerate and don't frustrate two wheeler riders.

Thou shall share your umbrella with people without one. You can't offer to take everyone to their home. But you can accompany some old person who cannot run, until there is some safe place for them to wait until the rains stop.

Thou shall be back home early. Be it a friends place or work or school or college or shopping or just roaming around, remember that people back at home are worrying about you. And the anxiety increases multi fold during rainy season when the troubles are multi fold. Also, if it rains late at night, you'll be stuck somewhere.

Thou shall not use the rains as an excuse for drinking or smoking. One too many people drink and/or smoke too much to 'keep themselves warm' during rainy seasons. Sweaters keep people warm. Not poisons. And remember, doing them in rainy season does not reduce the risk of cancer or cirrhosis.

Thou shall prevent mosquitoes from breeding. Don't expect the government to do everything (anything?). Do whatever you can to keep water from stagnating. Keep mosquito coils or mats or liquids or sprays. Be a nightmare to mosquitoes. At least in your homes. Mosquitoes spread serious if not fatal diseases.

Thou shall not let your disease spread. Rainy season is disease season. Cold, Cough and Flu, can spread out of the blue. Use handkerchiefs while you sneeze or cough. Wash your hands often when you get a disease. Stay away from non affected people until you are OK.

Thou shall appreciate the rains. Don't growl if it rains. Rains give life. Without it, earth won't be earth. Enjoy the rains and be thankful for it.

I think these are much simpler to follow than the original ten. And if it could make life on this world better and fetch me special incentives in the next world, i think its a great deal. What say you?

Once upon a lonely night

2006-10-08T22:20:00.001+05:30

My mornings bloomed with your 'hi's,
And my evenings, faded with your 'bye's,
Nights were warm, wrapped in your thoughts,
In your void, my days are just naughts.
Many days, I wonder what will be my future.
Everytime, I see only you, smiling like a treasure.
Girls - I have seen many, but,
An Angel - only you, if any.
Love, is giving me a hard time,
And i am just trying to learn the art.
Ingress my life dear ... like you have, my heart.

P.S. : Two poems in one :)

Happy Birthday

2006-08-14T15:59:00.000+05:30

To who?!?!?

To my blog of course!!!!!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy birthday dear blog!
Happy birthday to you!

Cool Lyrics 3 : Blind leading the blind

2006-07-17T10:44:00.000+05:30

The song is "Blind leading the blind" by Mick Jagger and Dave Stewart. It kinda reflects my situation currently. Was listening to this song a thousand times recently. Its a very good tune to. Unfortunately i am not able to link to a download of the song. The song goes like this.

When the chips are down,
And you're blinded on your feet,
You're standing up and walking,
But you know you are dead meat.

The sky is busting,
It's near the break of day,
You're running out options,
Running out of place.

The leaves are cracking,
Withered on the trees,
Beg you darling,
Won’t you say a prayer for me,
I need your benediction,
'Cause I’m a soul in need,
I can’t sit down much lower,
'Cause I'm on my knees.

Like the blind leading the blind,
After the wine, the tears they are gushing,
Just like the blind leading the blind,
Time after time,
You won't let the love in.

You are the sharpest knife,
You are the finest blade,
You are the shining sun,
Everybody’s in your shade.

So funny to you,
Dripping honey from your tongue,
But you never know what’s going on,
When the day is done.

There is a sadness,
Just grinding in your bones,
A twisted trap down which you're forced to go,
You need the hand of friendship to steady up your heart,
So hang on to me baby,
I'll show you down the path.

Just like the blind leading the blind,
Asking me why,
You won’t let the love in.
Oh, like the blind leading the blind,
Only to find your feelings are nothing.

Just like the blind leading the blind,
After the wine, your tears they are gushing, gushing, yeah.
Just like the blind leading the blind,
Just like you’ll find it’s leading to nothing.

Just like the blind leading the blind,
Time after time,
It’s leading to nothing, nothing, nothing, not a thing.

Leading the blind,
After the wine, the tears they are gushing, gushing, gushing.

Irreversible Deviation

2006-07-15T17:55:00.000+05:30

I am thinking of the past.
Nostalgia.
Nice word isn't it, despite the cruelty it can convey?
Especially if present is much worser than past?
Back then,
I was intelligent.
I was the problem solver.
When my friends had a doubt in their programs,
They would ask me and instead of the teacher.
"Exam?"
"Don't worry, i'll get a seat near manoj. And then there won't be any problem"
Do you know what i mean?
I had everything to be comfortably ostentatious.
You know what?
Brains, Brawn and Money
When one or more of these,
Is in wonderful supply for you,
They'll start ruling you.
It'd give you a false sense,
That you can have anything at your disposal.
And the excess of what you have,
Will come up against itself,
And destroy what you have,
Leaving you empty.
I grew proud.
Prouder than i should be.
I was so proud that,
I thought i didn't need teachers.
I thought i was a genious.
That i did not need to go through books.
I can loaf around all day,
Have fun while the others sweated,
And still do it as well as, if not better then the others.
I was thinking that i was 'gifted'.
Do you know what i mean?
Conceit.
As they always say,
"Pride goes before fall"
I fell.
I was too proud to admit that i fell.
I didn't call out for anyone to help.
I made friends with fools.
Because they will not see that i fell.
I can be as proud as always when i am with them.
I never gathered the courage to get back up.
Now i have messed it all up.
I have failed poorly in my college.
Fate,
Is so blameworthy,
Yet,
Fate's actions are nothing but results of our own mistakes.
I never went up to anyone and started to talk with them.
Too proud for that.
"Let those lowly humans come to me"
Even the friends i had,
They, were the ones who approached me first.
I took people for granted,
Just because they liked me.
I think of now,
Of all that my friends have done for me,
And how i never repayed them.
Have you ever thought of it?
When you get everything that you need,
You start taking them for granted?
Everybody wanted to be my friend.
And i never respected any of them.
When a friend left me,
It felt so bad and devastating,
Not because of the loss of that person,
Only because my ego was damaged.
"How could that 'thing' insult me!?"
Do you see what i mean?
I messed up.
I messed up everything.
I got proud and i was overconfident.
I messed up my career.
I got proud and i was thoughtless.
I hurt other people.
And painfully, i feel like, i have lost all my resilient nature.
I feel like i want to talk with a friend.
But suddenly,
I realize,
I don't have any.

God

2006-05-19T13:40:00.000+05:30

I prayed ...
For a heart that can love like a mother,
For thoughts that can flow like a river,
For strength that can not only withstand, but win any challenge,
For a mind so clear as water,
For knowledge so vast as the sea,
For ability to solve any problem,
For stability at all times,
For kindness to help others,
For wealth to support that kindness,
For health to guard that wealth,
For joy throughout my life,
For people to love me back,
For love, so big as the sky,
For stamina to even cross the universe,
For the wit, to win all games, yet hurt no one,

... but you say i already have these...

So now, I pray ... for realization.

Lost And Found(?)

2006-05-12T00:58:00.000+05:30

I thought the word spell bound,
Was just a fairy tale term,
Until i met you.

You proved me the world is round,
Wherever i might turn,
It was only to you.

The lovely belt - mother nature's own, i had found,
Precious, that pearls adorn,
Nothing compares to you.

Over the vast snow, You were flying with the wind, but i was not sound,
For you were what, i deared to hunt,
Yet doubting if i deserved you.

The monstrous, snowy winds were north bound,
But i was in the south, i started to run.
I had to, if i were to reach you.

Suddenly the snow broke, i fell in, i drowned,
The water was cold, it stung,
Still, all i cared for, is you.

I struggled, I tried to get up on the ground,
I held to the ice, but still in water i hung,
It was over, i had lost you.

.
.
.

But now, after three years, you really do astound,
I hear the pearls, along with the wind's rough song,
Flying towards me, was you.

Was it you really? Or did the winds turn around?
I fill air into my frozen lung,
And try to reach my hand to you.

But it looks like my life had disbound,
I feel deaf, blind and dumb,
My thoughts were still around you.

My reached hand outside. The rest of me is icebound,
I feel something in my hand, although it was numb,
is it just another flake of snow? Or is it ... you?

- At the thought of someone so dear and special.

P.S. The name of the special person is hidden somewhere in there. :)

Dissecting A Frog (And Making Fun Of It)

2006-04-22T23:09:00.000+05:30

Image : http://www.drinstruments.com

OK, i made a mistake in the title, its not 'frog' it's 'song'. (I get this sillly happiness when i imagine some serious biology geek searches google for 'dissecting a frog' and is brought here. he he). Masala Maami, biology-nnu sonnaelae, neenga dissection panniyirkelo?

OK, Lets get down to the post. Being the jobless person that i am, (actually, i have a lottttt of jobs, but i suffer from MPD, no? So this is my jobless, dirty personality speaking). OK, being the jobless person that i am, i thought of seeing how much sense an average tamil song makes. The song that i chose is a very new one from 'Vettayaadu Vilayaadu'. (Please note that this song is a favorite of my other personalities, esp. that mushy girlish boy in me (yucks)). The song goes like "Paartha Mudhal Naalae..". And i don't like it. It's cruel. (No, not as cruel as screaming "Ma'am, i think this frog was pregnant" in the dissection lab .. he he .. not that cruel)

Again note that the song is really good. I just wanted to write some non-sense. And it might be that i want to mess around with harris jayaraj songs :)

[Opening Mouth organ plays with the harris jayaraj favourite - claps + jaalraa]
F : Paartha Mudhal Naalae - Unnai Paartha Mudhal Naalae.
Kaatchi Pizhai Poalae - Unarndhaen Kaatchi Pizhai Poalae. (Dont think you are, know you are)
Oar Alayaai Vandhu enai adiththaay.
Kadalaai maari pin enai izhuththaai.
---Invisible line---(This line, i leave blank, because i didn't get most of what she was actually singing. Duh. Lets name it Invisible line.)
(Okay, the first stanza was good)

M : Kaatti Kodukkirathae - Kannae Kaatti Kodukkirathae
Kaadhal vazhikiradhe - Kannil Kaadhal Vazhigiradhae
Un Vizhiyil vazhiyum piriyangalai
Paarthaen, kadandhaen pagal iravai
Un alaadhi anbinil nanindha pin nanaindha pin naanum mazhaiyaanaen.
(okay second stanza good too .. my god ten lines and i could not comment? Did i chose the wrong song?)

F : Kaalai ezundhadhum, en kangal mudhalil, thaedi pidippadhundhan mugame (Ennai paar, yogam varum!?)
Thookkam varugayil, kan paarkum kadaisi kaatchikkul nirpadhum un mugame (My god, this line was really beautiful [Claps Claps Claps])

M : Enai patri enakke theriyadha palavum, neeyarindhu nadappadhai viyappaen (I can hear the wives murmuring - 'Yeah keep dreaming')
unayaedhum kaetkaamal, unadhaasai anaiththum, niraivaetra vaendum endru ninaipaen (now i can hear the husbands murmuring)

F : Poaginraen ena nee, pala nooru muraigal
Vidaipetrum pogamal iruppaai (Bus-ukku chilra vaenum)
sariyendru sariyendru, unai poga solli, (Kudukka mudiyaathu, withoutla po)
kadhavoram naanum nirka sirippaai. (sirippu = scratching the head with a cute(!?!) vazhisal)

M : Kaatti Kodukkirathae - Kannae Kaatti Kodukkirathae
Kaadhal vazhikiradhe - Kannil Kaadhal Vazhigiradhae
(Whats the point in mixing up the female and male lines in most duets? It's not nice. It's ugly. It spoils the continuity.)
F : Oar Alaiyaai Vandhu enai adiththaay
Kadalaai vandhu maari pin izhuththaai
(See how the continuity suffers here? The hero just abruptly starts his feelings of india)
M : Un alaadhi anbinil nanaindha pin nanaindha pin naanum mazhaiyaanaen.

M : Unnai marandhu nee, thookkaththil siriththaal,
thoongaamal adhai kandu rasithaen
(Really? You really wanna see how your wife snores like a pig with a long drool on one side of her mouth? Sheesh)
Thookkam marandhu naan unai paarkkum kaatchi
kanavaaga vandhadhendru ninaipaen
(See? Now you wish it was a dream!)

F : Yaarum maanidarae illaadha idaththil,
siru veedu katti kolla thoandrum
(You mean chinna veedu? How sweet of you?)
Neeyum naanum angae vaazhginra vaazhvai
marandhorum sedhukkida vaendum
(Sedhukkalaam, aanaa censor-cut panniduvaanga)

M : Kan paartthu kadhaikka, mudiyaamal naanum, thavikkindra oru pennum nee thaan
(Appannaa evlo asingamaa irukkumnu therinjikkonga)
Kan kotta mudiyaamal mudiyaamal paarthum, salikkaadha oru pennum nee dhaan
(Cute line)

F : Paartha Mudhal Naalae - Unnai Paartha Mudhal Naalae.
Kaatchi Pizhai Poalae - Unarndhaen Kaatchi Pizhai Poalae.
Oar Alaiyaai Vandhu enai adiththaay
Kadalaai vandhu enai izhuththaai
---Invisible line---
(Song phinis)

Okay this song was good. What's wrong with it? Nothing. Except that it was visualized with a ugly heroine. And i have heard a million very similar songs (both in tune and lyrics). More than all that, its the monotony. I've heard so many songs of this class that i get irritated now. Vaseegara..., Ondraa rendaa aasaigal..., well i can't name, but everybody knows its all the same thing. And coming to think of it, these songs irritate me more because they are like mirages. They just speak of all the juicy things that seem so real and sweeeeeeet but i know they w'd never happen in real lives. I never saw a woman with whom i wasn't able to make eye contact. I don't search for a specific person as soon as i wake up and as far as i know, nobody does. We dream of money. We fear death. We respect god. But no, we don't wish we would live all alone amidst nowhere with a cute lover who'd probably look like your grandmother after some three or four days of staring at. And definitely we don't think we w'd put up a biography on trees ('every' tree at that).

Oh my god. I am cringing with guilt. Poor poet. I just wanted to try out this mock critic thing. but i guess i shouldn't do that again. Am not made for it. Forget everything i said. This song is beautiful. But i really wish this would change and i shall soon get my money's worth of lyrics and music (ARR!!! where are you?).

These songs are OK for the jiggly gurls who'd just forget those songs moments after detailed examination of the poet's romance skills amongst friends and blessed boys who'd go out for smoking/uchhaa/icecream the moment this song starts playing in the theatre and never even come across such a piece of literature. But not for us upper beings who'd like to remember songs for all eternity and preserve that audio cd with a favourite piece of music (and make humpteen copies of it just in case). Yesh, We have 'senthamizh thenmozhiyaal', 'vaseegaraa', and 'unnai arindhaal nee unnai arindhaal' in more than 10 CDs (2 copies in each disc).

What we need is variety. What say you?

Cooking - For Men 1 : The Peanut Chutney

2006-04-15T14:31:00.000+05:30

A Person called Ramya commented in this blog, that some research sez that men are better then women in cooking. Even though this research, i say should have a deep inner objective, like with all research results, i tried to see whether i comply with it. Now that it shows its not just a girl thing, i meekly peep outside my cave and carefully step outside watching both sides (and above me too) and am placing my first step into the ... (read this in a deep hushed mysterious tone)'Recipe world'.

Pliss to note that even though this is an instructional recipe. We are only trying to write it like an examination or something. So excuse the errors. (And appreciations are welcome :) )

OK the first thing i learnt in cooking was making dosas. The recipe for making a dosa is so simple. Just heat a tava, apply a coating of oil on it, pour the dosa-batter in a circle ( and no, i have not yet perfected the art of making a perfect or even near perfect circles) on the hot tava. Turn it down after one or two minutes. Then remove the dosa from the tava. Here you have a dosa.Tadaaa. :)

(Don't ask me how you make the dosa batter, i don't know. I get it in packets here :)) For a detailed explanation see here.

Then we need a side dish don't we? So i learned making my favourite side dish for idly or dosa or whatever it may be (yeah it goes superb with non-sweet bread (salt bread?) too). The Groundnut Chutney.( Oh boy i've been waiting to tell this one). This can be made in just four or five minutes.

What you need :

Groundnuts (or Peanuts) (not the raw ones, the crispy fried nuts) - A handful (yeah you can take it generously)
Cooking Oil - One Spoon
Green Chilly - One medium size ( add another little one if you like it a bit spicy )
Salt - A Quarter teaspoon ( yeah, you can also 'Add salt to taste' )
And of course .. Water

And for that fancy thing you do after making the chutney, you'll need the following things

Cooking Oil - Two generous spoons
Mustard - One spoon ( Kadugu for the singaththamizhan)
And.. what do they call it? ... yeah, Black Gram (preferably, split black gram) - Half spoon (Uluththamparuppu for us tamilvaasis)

(All quantities are proportionate (is that word right?) If you need double the amount of chutney, just double all the ingredients)

What you'll do :

Heat the oil in a pan and fry the Chilly(ies) in the one spoon of oil until it turns light green ( for the colorblind of us, just fry it for one minute ). Now put the fried chilly(ies), the groundnuts, and salt into a mixer-grinder(mixy?) and grind the things. Open it up and see. It probably won't look like chutney. So add a little water and run it again. Repeat this, adding water gradually, until you get a nice mushy white paste. (If you don't like this adding water little by little, then just add some 50 to 75ml water, in other words about half a teacup. You can change the amount of water you add, according to how thick you want the chutney to be.) Done? now take it in a bowl or a cup. ( By all means you can eat it now, but the next step will make your chutney taste so much better. Its not big deal either, so read on... )

Now the fancy thing. Heat the remaining oil in a pan. When the oil has become nice hot, put the mustard and black gram in this hot oil. And stand back for the fireworks! Immediately after all the tapatapaa, quickly pour this hot stuff into the chutney we have made.

Mix it well. Groundnut chutney ready. Brimming with useless fat but devilishly delicious. Eat it with dosa or idly or bread or anything else for that matter.

Well .. thats all folks. how did i fare? Sh'd i better get back into the cave? Do tell me.

Death of a Suicide

2006-04-06T12:36:00.000+05:30

He was only 19 years old. But yet, he unflinchingly directed himself towards his end. He had been betrayed by a girl, whom he held so dear. The pain was unbearable. So unbearable, that he decided that death would be much better. He made arrangements, met his friends for one last time, had a last dinner with his father, mother and only elder sister, had a little walk expecting to get a final glimpse of everything he loved. The neighbour's lovely lawn, the new litter of puppies near the street's garbage, sparkling, crowded stars, the fresh, mysterious moon. He felt content, yet heavy. He came back. Rejectedly, he sat by his study table. Slept for a little time. But woke up soon. It was five o clock in the morning. Took out from his drawer a little bottle of rum he had bought secretly and several barbiturate sleeping pills. The rum to quicken the death. He counted the pills. There were twenty. He would swallow the pills one by one with the rum until he loses his life. He thought of leaving a suicide note to the ones he loved so much. He took out a pen and paper. He didn't think. He just started writing whatever that came into his mind...

"Mom, i hope you are the first one to read this note. These are my last words. I am dejected. I am dying. There was this girl, mom. She moved very closely with me. So close that i thought she was in love with me. I told my love to her today. But i was wrong. I was a loser. She always had that in mind and the only feeling she had towards me was pity. I made a terrible mistake. And for that, i am now congesting inside my heart. Really mom, i cannot find another way. Too ashamed to ask for help either. It might make me look more like a loser. Tomorrow, she would tell her friends about what i told her today. I don't want to face it mom. I am going to leave. Leave to someplace where no one can find me. Someplace where i don't have to face anyone.

I don't have any regrets to lose my life. I am not scared of the pain it might cause me. Today, i have sufferred more. Now, death, to me is not end. It is freedom. Freedom from all my pain.

I pray that neither you or dad don't fall into a trauma. I pray dad doesn't get a heart attack or something. As my last prayer to god, i pray He gives you the strength to bear this.

Of course you'll feel the void of my place. But don't cry mom. This shall pass too. You'll get used to my absence."

He took the tablets and the glass of rum in his hands. But he wanted to write some more for his mother. After all, he won't get another chance. He put the rum and the tablets back on the table. He took the paper again and continued...

"I guess akka will be married next year. All the best for her.

I know mom. I can see how you would feel reading this. I can feel your loss. I can see the abrupt end of your dreams. You told me. Almost everyday. That you wanted me to go abroad. You wanted me to go to france and take you there to show you the eiffel tower. You wanted me to go to London and show you the big ben. You wanted me to show you the himalayas. Dad wanted me to work in TCS or Wipro. Akka always wanted to see me a grown up man. I can imagine the number of things that i am going to bring to void this moment.

I am sorry mom. I am sorry. Sorry that i am going to make you answer the sharp, painful questions that you will have to answer tomorrow. Sorry that i am going to make the three of you stand here tomorrow. Heads facing down, drained of tears, bearing the heaviness in your heart and still answering the cruel answers for those thoughtless questions the neighbours will ask. I can imagine you crying on me.

I feel guilty mom. I can die. Its my wish and will.

But i feel selfish. Just because it hurts me, i am going to hurt you too.

I feel cowardly. I am scared to face the pain.

I feel like a loser. She said she thought me a loser, but if i die, i really become one ... "

As he was writing that line, something brightened on his mind. Not like the rising sun, but like the lightning.

Suddenly, he wanted to prove he was not a loser. That he was not a coward. That he was not selfish.

Suddenly, he wanted to work in TCS. Or maybe Wipro.

Suddenly, he wanted to take his mom to paris, to london, to new york.

Suddenly, he wanted to do all of the work on his sisters wedding.

Suddenly, ... he didn't care for the girl that frustrated him.

He crushed the paper in his hands. It was not enough for him. He straightened it again and tore it once. Twice. Thrice. Again and again until there was a hundred bits of that note and blew them out of his window. He splashed the glass of rum on the road through the window. He picked up the sleeping pills and threw them out as hard as he could.

Calmly, he looked at the pills that lay scattered at the other end of the road. He raised his head. The lovely sight of the orange sun which was just rising over the horizon, seemed to welcome his decision.

He smiled to himself. He turned around and called out loud as he walked out of his room. "Ammaaaaa, wake up, i want coffeeeee."

* * *

A Story dedicated to an old friend. Who chose death instead of facing the many of life's challenges.

Bad Company

2006-03-21T13:06:00.000+05:30

Me: (groaning with my hand on stomach) I got an ulcer.
Friend: (Bright face) Treeeat!!
.
.
Friend: (After realizing my glare) Uh, I mean .. treat it soon with a good doctor.

Dragon heart

2006-03-17T00:51:00.000+05:30

Pity that guy who goes to cloud nine when a bunch of cute gals ask him out for a just-released movie. Being the sweet lover-boy (read 'crazy loser') he is, obviously he agrees. So they fix a date on a sunday evening. (Sunday evening?! Yeah girls have that cruel tendency to pick the crowdiest time)

But our jinglies can't go in bus nor can they ride on their scooties (actually they can, but they won't). Unfortunately,the only vehicle that our hero's family has, is the TVS-50 that his grandpa used, father used and he now uses. So the loser begs his rich friend, buys him lunch etc etc., and borrows his car. Yet the hero had to suffer the hardship of hiding the girl-bunch, cinema things from the rich friend (What if he gets jealous and refuses the car? Or worse yet, what if he asks to come along too?). Lover-boy had to tell his friend that his family needs to go to a funeral, and it w'd look great if they c'd go in a car. ("Sheeeesh! What a filth!" - thinks the rich guy.) Anyways he promises to give his car on sunday. So the car issue is done.

But Lover-boy's dad never gives him more than 50Rs. a day that too for fuelling the TVS-50. Not that they are so poor, but his dad never realized the 'other' needs. "Dad, i am writing a special certification exam tomorrow, so i need a thousand rupees" - another sincere attempt of our hero and ... It worked! Dad gave him the money (Even though dad half-doubts that there was no certification crap and the boy is upto something). "When is the exam? Me and your mom planned going out tomorrow evening!" - Dad growled. "The exam's tomorrow evening". Hehe! 'Exam' Indeed.

The big day comes. Our Lover-boy goes to the saloon and gets a weird military style haircut. Wears the tight light-blue short-sleeve t-shirt (though he doesn't have the bicep to show) and a black cargos (BTW, whoever said cargos made men look like tuf-guys?). And the whole family was confused why he was wearing the aviator glasses in home all day. And that huge-buckled, yellow belt. The time came too. Our hero tucked in the thousand rupees-loaded wallet into his rear pocket. Made sure the big bum due to the wallet size was visible (Another myth that this bum looks nice). He takes the TVS-50 to the rich friends house and left it there and starts the car. Just as he reversed it out of the gates, the rich friend sez "I think there's only little fuel in it". Actually, therez no fuel at all. So our hero takes a can and his TVS-50 to the petrol bunk and fuels the car. Insecurity leaked in (Will the remaining 800Rs be sufficient?).

Thus thinking, we go to one of the girls' a.k.a the gang leader's house where the hero told the other girls to wait. From there, they leave to the cinema. Sadly, no one even seemed to care what the hero was meekly trying to say now and then. There was giggling and jiggling all over the car and they reached the theatre. What a crowd! Our hero hides his expression. Parks the car somewhere. "You wait here girls, i'll get the tickets". Girls - thought - "Well? What else do you think we brought you here for, now go soon or the house'll get full" Word - "Oh thank you sweety. But we'll be in the hallway."

So our hero huffs and puffs and fetches the movie tickets amidst the crowd but still he could get only 3 tickets ("only 3 per person, now scram"). The 2 more needed was bought in black. (Good, now its only 400Rs. left) Popcorn, Pepsi etc etc. (Only 200 Rs. left). All this meanwhile the gujjlies were drooling over the shirtless salman corn (uh ... khan - i mean) on the yet-to-be released movie posters. Now we walk into the cinema hall and get seated. Our hero made the girls comfortable and was about to sit when one of the kutties, sez she hates pop corn and wants chicky-puffs. "NOW" - she adds. So our sincere hero makes his way out with not even the slightest indisposition.

But, a very unfortunate thing happens. The lights went off before he could go out. So he bumped into a man on the way who didn't just said 'sorry' but picked up a nasty fight which he started with a nasty word. Out hero hit back with a nastier one. Bad, Cruel, Ugly, Stinky words were exchanged in the dark. One of the theatre folks comes with a torch and asks them to calm down. So our hero and the villain started making even more noise. Now the theatre-folk lit the torch and flashed it on one of the fighting ppl. This one is our hero. (Wow, there he is - 'fresh from a fight'). The moment the face of our hero was seen in the torch-light, the villain got silent like the dead. Then he flashed it on the villain. Now, our hero was indeed, dead. the villain, like in all movies, was our hero's own dad, glaring, fuming, with anger at the hero.

Our hero went out, got the chicky puffs and came back and sat. Sweet girls. There was a seat for him between two of those girls. But our hero was still in the shock. Strangely, the theater felt so quiet. Damn, i sh'dn't have used that word. Thus thinking and face, pale, our hero spends the next one hour of the movie in quiet, mental solitude. Then he thinks, Duh. What the hell? Lemme enjoy the moment. Saying so he turned to the chick on his right. She was frantically typing an SMS (probably to her 'actual' boyfriend, whom she hopes brought her to this movie. But he won't. Coz he knows her and doesn't give her a damn). Our hero meekly starts - "Cellphone?! You won't even stop SMSsing even here?". The SMS-girl doesn't even give him a look. So our hero being the lover-boy he is, and being surrounded by these lovely flowers, turns the other side. The Geeky, specs-wearing gal was watching the movie intently without even blinking. She seemed to have no intension of taking the straw out of her mouth even though the pepsi in the bottle was over. So he quietly tries to watch the movie. But the movie is nothing but filth.

So, comes the interval. And popcorn was brought with another round of pepsis. Now our hero's proud purse, only hosted a couple of coins. He prays god that these things, shouln't ask anything else. And it so happens that they didn't ask. Even the chickypuff-girl was now OK with the popcorn. The movie was almost over and nothing interesting happens. Our hero couldn't even talk with one of those girls. They were so intent watching the movie and the SMS girl was still SMSsing. The fact that our hero was spotted by his dad was creating a peculiar feeling inside his stomach. So he tried to relax. Thinking to be playful, he put his one arm around the SMS-girl's shoulder. She didnt even notice. Our hero is a little happy that she didn't say anything. So he turns to the other side and put his other arm around the geeky specs-wearing girl's shoulder. The moment his hand touched her, she turns around and gives him a tigggght slap. Everybody turns and gives our hero a surprised look. Our meeky geeky hero is so ashamed, embarassed and humiliated. Glad, theaters are dark.

The movie was over and everyone, so far has been quiet. The geeky-girl was looking at our hero like filth. It was quiet, quiet, queit, all the way to the gang leader girl's house. Only one of the girls finally said "Thank you, Bye". The others didn't even turn to look at him. The hero, even after all this has a slight sense of happiness. (Wooow! 4 girls and me in a movie). After dropping them, being alone in the car, he gets reminded of his dad. "Oh my god. I'm done". He went to the rich friends home, leaves the car there and takes back his TVS-50 and rides home in the dark.

As he approached his house, he could see his dad was waiting at the gate.
.
.
.

The End.

Master,... i am back

2006-03-09T17:19:00.000+05:30

Manoj peeps thru' a large door. Sees nothing but darkness inside. Opens the door completely. Walks down the loooong dark hall way. The big 'After the world sleeps .. ' banner is made house of a zillion spiders. Webs, dust, termites all over the place. My god. What have i done!? I left my home. Will i ever be pardoned!? My blog!

Manoj opens the windows to let fresh sunlight in. Takes cloth, water and a brush and cleans the whole place. Takes the vaccum cleaner and puts those spiders in eternal captivity in the dust bag. Brings some paint and re-paints the whole thing exactly the way it was. Hmmm. MY BLOG.

There. Sparkling clean and as good as ever.

Manoj lights a candle in front of the big banner...

"I know i shoudn't have left,
This Creative river, at rest.
If i promise i won't do this again,
Will you pardon me and ease my pain?"

The banner, still was drowned in the dull shadow it had worn. It could not even remember Manoj,

"Who are you? Oh loner!
I guess you are my owner.
Yet i cannot forgive you,
For you left me here, with nothing to do!"

Tears started flowing down Manoj's cheeks...

"Oh holy home of mine!
All my imagination, thine.
I promise to let you speak,
Atleast, twice every week."

The 'After the world sleeps..." banner hears the prayer. It is convinced. The banner lights itself up in a bright green glow...

"I heard you my child,
After i was, cruelly exiled,
Now that you are back,
Let us see if you still have the knack."

Manoj feels grateful that his blog forgave him...

"From today, i shall write,
And make you beaming bright.
But now, i have to go,
My heart longs, to stay though."

Manoj wipes tears off his eyes. Leaves the place and walks towards his usual worldly chores. Promising himself to return there very soon....

Cool Lyrics 2 : It all comes down to this

2006-02-02T10:10:00.001+05:30

This one is from "Pudhupetttai" (Tamil). The movie's not yet released. But this song had beautiful lyrics. Lyrics that just blends with the tune. Beautiful music too. There were two variation of the song. You can hear them here. Click for the fast one. Click for the slow one. Both are the same lyrics. Now sing along ... :)

Oru naalil vazhkai ingae engum oadi poagaathu
Maru naalum vandhuvittaal thunbam thaeyum thodaraadhu
Etthanai koadi kanneer man meedhu vizhundhirukkum
Atthanai kanda pinnum boomi innum poo pookkum

KaruVaasal vittu vandha naal thottu
MaruVaasal thaediyae vilayaattu
Kanthirandhu paarthaal pala kootthu
Kan moodi kondaal?

Poarkalatthil pirandhuvittoam, vandhavai poanavai varutthamillai
Kaattinile vazhginroam, mutkalin vali onrum maranamillai
Iruttinilae nee nadakaiyile un nizhalum unnai vittu vilagividum
Nee mattumdhaan indha ulagatthile unakku thunai enru vilangividum
Theeyoadu poagum varaiyil, theeraadhu indha thanimai
Karai varum naeram paarthu kappalil kaatthirupoam
Erimalai vandhaal kooda, aeri ninru poar thoduppoam

Andha dheiva ragasiyam purigirathe
Ingu ethuvum nilaayillai karaigiradhe
Manam vetta veliyile alaigirathe
Andha kadavulai kandaal?

Adhu enakku, idhu unakku, idhayangal poadum thani kanakku
Aval enakku, Ival unakku, udalgalum poadum pudhir kanakku
Unakkum illai, idhu enakkum illai padaithavane ingu eduthukolvaan
Nallavan yaar, ada kettavan yaar, kadaisiyil avane mudivu seivaan
Pazhi poadum ulagam inge, Baliyaana uyirgal enge?
Ulagatthin oaram ninru, atthanaiyum paarthirupoam
Nadappavai naadagam enru, naamum saernthu naditthrupoam

Pala mugangal vaendum, sari maattikolvoam
Pala thiruppam theriyum adhil thirumbikolvoam
Kadhai mudiyum poakkil adhai muditthukolvoam
Maru piravi vaendumaa?

Another Day's wait

2006-01-21T00:03:00.000+05:30

( True incident that happened to me, yesterday :( )

It was evening about 6 'o' clock. There was this slight irritation just below my ribs in the left side. I was feeling a heavy fatigue. I thought it was just coz of the way i slouched in front of my PC. So i got up and went outside for sometime. I observed this slight prickly feeling growing into a numb pain. Still i ignored it.

But by around 7.30 in the evening. The pain was starting to bother me coz it was growing slowly. Since i was in front of my computer. And i am used to ask 'google' for help more than i ask my god. So i got a nice idea. I opened google.com and typed in 'upper left abdomen'. Got some results and i found out that in that place i've got the spleen.

So again, i typed in 'spleen pain'. I went to the first result. It listed a series of symptoms on the spleen. Ruptured spleen, splenic infarction, swollen spleen, enlarged spleen and so on. Because it was just a slight pain i thought the simplest of these symptoms is an enlarged spleen. So i went into it. What i saw there was enough to keep me sleepless for days and kill me of a heart attack. An enlarged spleen was a symptom of leukemia (Blood Cancer). I checked out the other symptoms. It said that the spleen gets crowded with excess white blood cells and thus creates an uncomfortable sensation. And fatigue was another important symptom of blood cancer. Quickly i browsed to find the causes of blood cancer. There was no exactly known cause for it. It could come to anyone. I was going to faint.

It was about 8 o clock.

The pain slowly spread to my chest. The cancer should be spreading through my bone. It was now a band of pain in my middle abdomen. I browsed a little more about the symptoms i was having. And the internet confirmed i was a victim of either blood cancer or CHD (coronary heart disease). While CHD does not tell when it would kill, blood cancer, if treated, lets the victim live for about 5 years. Either way i was going to die soon.

I started to think of ways to maximize my earnings till i die. I must atleast finish dad's loans. I must not die useless. OK. As soon as i start earning, i'll insure myself for a large amount and my family can get the money after i die. Good. I must not let anyone in my family know that i am going to go away. I don't want everybody to look at me with a silly pitiful attitude. Good. I'll join 'cancer anonymous' or something and die bravely.

10 PM. I went to the bed. My chest was feeling heavy and my abdomen burning. So its going to be like this everyday until i die. I'll bear it.

11.30 PM. I woke up with a start. There was a searing pain in my chest. It was as if all my blood had turned into hot acid. My stomach was burning too. My heart was pounding harder and harder. Faster and faster. I went quickly to the kitchen and had a lot of water. The pain subsided a little. I felt sleepy again and slept in. It should be because i was too tensed upon cancer i've got.

I had a mild heart attack.

Later the alarm rang. I was too sleepy and just switched it off.

The next time i opened my eyes, it was bright around me. I looked at the clock. 8.30AM. The pain in my abdomen was still there. I drank a cup off water. I didn't want to eat breakfast. Took bala's documents to the computer centre. Scanned them and sent to his email. Came back home and spent time trying to setup my computer as a server. I tried for some 3 hours and wasn't able to. I was not concentrating. How could i?

I went to karthik's place. Maybe i'll keep my mind off it. He had a few love birds and a lot of fishes in the tank. Pets are always good in alleviating depression. I ate lunch at his place. Came back home by around 4 o clock. Padhu chithi, Guru chitthappa, Thirumaran and Divya were there. What a surprise! All distractions were welcome to me now. I spent sometime talking.

But the burning atarted increasing again. Maybe the doctor'll give me some pain killers or something. Maybe he'll immediately started chemotherapy if it's a cancer. Or a bypass surgery if its a heart disease.

6.00PM (24 hours up after the first sign)

May be the doctor'll scold me for coming so late. Maybe he puts his head down and wipes his eyes with that all-is-lost look. I was scared to go to the doctor. Well then, i had resolved to face death courageously. Also, he might be able to extend my life a little. Not that i wanted to live so bad. But i never did anything good. I must live a little longer. To repay my debts. To do something good. To make a few people happy.

I went to the doctor.

Doctor: Chest Pain!?
Me: Chest + Abdomen. And particularly here. It's burning.
Doctor: (puts his stethoscope on me and asks me to breathe with my mouth closed and then with my mouth open) What did you eat last night?
Me: Nothing
Doctor: Today morning?
Me: Nothing
Doctor: Afternoon?
Me: Just the regular lunch
Doctor: Its a high gastritis.
Me: What?
Doctor: Yes. It'z coz of your irregular diet. You are at the verge of a peptic ulcer.
Me: oh ok
Doctor: Take this tablet now and drink two spoons of this syrup. And follow a good diet from now on. Eat curd regularly.
Me. Fine

I came back home.

What!? A stomach ache? I put the tablet in and drank the syrup.

7.00PM.

The pain released.

My eyes were very so gently wet. I was smiling as if i'd break into a laughter anytime. I was so excited.

I am going to live.

***

The 26 hours taught me a lot. Let me put it forward for you. Learn from a fools mistake, if you are wise.
1. Don't diagnose yourself.
2. Don't let the internet diagnose you.
3. Don't be scared of anything.
4. Diseases grow with depression. Tension only aggravates the problem.
5. If you have a problem, just go tell someone you trust. Take off some off the heaviness. Don't be alone.

(And the following are more important lessons ... )
6. Follow a regular, healthy diet.
7. You never know when you'll cease to exist. So live life happily, honestly and be good to others around you. Live every moment to the fullest.

Devil's sneer?

2006-01-09T23:25:00.001+05:30

My new discovery.

I am not smiling enough. By 'smiling', i include laughing too. More shocking, i laugh only when some one is harmed. Much more shocking, most people around me are too. Are we all mini sadists?

I thought of the reason i laughed previously. It was a comedy show. 'Vivek's kidney was stolen and he was left in the middle of a road. No matter, how ironic the situation is. Isn't kidney theft a serious thing? (Let alone 'gross' ... yeah, they showed the stitch marks). Almost all comedy i see on TV (i mean 99.99%) are in some way, one harming the other. People get beaten up, scolded with bad, insulting language (especially senthil-goundamani ... think about senthil's feelings he has to act like this? I've seen his eyes get wet when a person, in an interview asked about getting kicked by goundamani). People get cheated. Even killed in these comedy scenes. Not to mention, insulting the parents, socially respectable people sometimes even the country itself. In a recent flick, vadivel tried to rape a woman but did a wrong woman and it was named comedy. Even Tom has to chase Jerry with an axe and Daffy duck has to shoot himself.

And here we are. Flaming at terrorists. Maybe they are enjoying some comedy too. (Isn't hitting two skyscrapers with planes funny? LOL Successive bomb blasts in buses). We are no different.

Just think about all the healthy laughter we can get.

Few days ago, a fish-man was here at the road. With a basket of fish at the rear of his bicycle. And folks were buying fish. A gray and white cat was watching quietly from a nearby tree. I was pushed into fine laughter when the cat suddenly stumbled and fell down inside the basket and ran with a fish in it's mouth.

One of my friends heard from a willful soul that liquor makes dogs more active and intelligent. So he fixed his dog with some vodka and a plate of chilly-beef. It ate the beef and licked up a good amount of vodka from the bowl. 15 minutes. The dog was running at top speed. Round and Round and Round and Round. And then it dropped asleep. Now that's active.

The way the five year old girl downstairs sings 'chinna veedaa varattumaa?'.

Have you ever seen a couple of dogs bark for eternity at a buffalo which won't even budge?

Once i was at a movie theatre parking. There was this sparkling new yellow colored karizma (the motorcycle). Around it were five dogs barking incessantly at it. I was wondering why. (the color maybe?) Then i saw why. The dogs suddenly fell silent. One of the dogs ran up to the bike and scratched it with it's foot. The bike said in an automatic voice "Please don't touch the vehicle". They started barking again.

What about walt disney cartoons? Isn't it wonderful how mickey and pluto had a good time? Without hurting each other? The way goofy spoke? Uncle scrooge? 'Gods must be crazy' was good. Dexter's lab? Two stupid dogs?

These were all funny. We did laugh at them. Then why should we turn towards some wicked thoughts named as comedy and authorize them too.

No, its nor a small thing. Gran'pa laughed at the harmless NSK. Dad laughed at goundamani kicking senthil. Now i have to laugh at vivek's stolen kidney and vadivel's suspicion over his wife and rajini. What would the children tomorrow laugh at? Accidentally detonated nuclear bombs and crowbars stuck thru the head? It's growing like a cancer.

Once ... I was all sad and so broken down. I entered this restaurant. I was staring blankly at the coffee in front of me. I lifted my head and glanced across the place. At a corner, a couple was having their lunch. The baby on the woman's shoulder caught me looking at it. And threw a bright smile at me and noiselessly clapped her hands. The way that makes you feel like a mirror. I smiled too. I forgot all the reason i was upset. My smile turned into a silent laughter. Hope.

Smile at beauty and silliness, rather than violence and sarcasm.

Rain Rain go away

2005-12-19T00:19:00.000+05:30

Chennai, is, wet. Two months of ruthless downpour and it still wants to leak. Rain is excitement in a lot of ways. The brave souls try to venture out and get drenched to their hearts' content. And the light hearted sit near their windows and enjoy hot chocoloate drinks without letting even a spot of the water touch them. And ... of course there are others who don't care coz they only cook or watch teleserials on the TV and now, it's no different except for the little monkeys who are on rain-leave and need nothing else but their mother's 'love and affection'.

Rains are exciting in many manners. Especially the sudden break it gives to that ugly routine really surprises me. Though i know of people who are so much into their routine and get a serious fit when they find it's a holiday. Thanks to suchithra, they get reminded of it every 10 minutes on radio mirchi (what's with the pink thing?). And anna university is in postpone frenzy. It's the 6th time they are postponing my exams in one month.

And ... it's time for fun too. I tried to go to velachery once. And on the way, Ram Nagar was flooded. I stopped my bike and stared blankly at the mini lake-on-road in front of me. There was no chance that even a bus or lorry would pass through. Just then this moron came. 'Courage without wisdom, is foolishness' - Jackie chan. He just tore into the waters on his yamaha rx-100. And moron number 2 on his pillion went 'wooooooooooooowuwu'. They fell down at the middle of the waters. And laughing and giggling they waded back towards me. Well what's so funny? They forgot to take the bike. It was too late when they remembered. No clue where the bike fell. They started searching. My guess - it was atleast two feet below inside the water. (Inji thinna kurangu?)

On my way from college, it started raining. It was getting difficult to ride inspite of my raincoat. So i halted by the roadside tree. It was funny how the girl under the tree with sun-glasses thought i was staring at her beauty and kept her head at that i-am-rose-from-titanic angle. Actually, a cow was chewing ever so gently, her jute handbag from behind. Hell, how can i take my eyes of such a scene? Wicked.

Finally, we got proof that the college night-watchman was only sleeping at nights - thanks to rainy season. Enter the college at eight-thirty in the morning and what do you witness? A staggering 12 dogs and 5 cows from the accidentally-left-open lavatory (which actually has no latch at all). And the machos had made liberal use the basins too. The cows had a hard time trying to run out. The shiny tiles made them fall down over and over again.

So many lovely sights to see. The fresh wet green of the early morning (I don't mean the cow dung in the bus stops ... BTW they are prominent in rainy season too). The long stretch of water filled roads (They look lovely don't they?). The dogs scramming down the stairs as i unlock the gate in the early morning (Good morning guys!?). Kids in raincoats. Girls with umbrellas. And of course, the lovely water droplets falling from the sky.

Another moron was in jaya tv (Program:Acchamillai Acchamillai). I can't believe he could say that on TV. Here's the translation ... "...i suddenly woke up from sleep and saw a bright white light in front of me. It said that it was god. So then i asked god to solve the water problem. He gave me two spells. One to start rain and another to stop it. In october, i told the start rain spell. That's why it is raining still...". Thus he went on. Lakshmi was the host. And believe me, she was interviewing him pretty seriously. She even asked him when he would say the spell to stop the rain. God spare them, please.

Though it made us all happy, it sh'd really stop now. 42 people died. Not coz of the rain, but due to the rush at the 1000Rs. rain-relief fund centre. It's really pitying to watch the farmers show how, their crops were damaged or how, many people couldn't stay in their homes. Rain Rain go away. Coz we want to go back to our routines. We want to start our exams. We want to repair the damages. We want to farm all over again. We want to roam around the city. And of course, little tommy wants to play.

The fists of iron

2005-12-15T23:46:00.000+05:30

In just a split of a second, atleast 6 bullets from the machine gun lodged across his chest in a neat row. He observed the soldier move on without the slightest consideration, in search of the next victim. He saw men around him, fierce in fight. The contemptuous noise of explosions and screams of anger were getting damp. It seemed like time itself, had slowed down. All the soldier could sense was the feeling of several red hot rods drilling well so slowly into his chest.

* * *

"...I can't marry her. Seems like there is going to be a war."

"That is exactly why i am urging you. Like all mothers, even i want to see my son happy with a wife and his own children. I know you can get out now. Take care of papa's shop. We can live peacefully."

"Why? To let my conscience call me a coward for all my life? To betray this country when it needs me? You know i didn't join the army just for a living."

"Papa had two massive attacks already. He wants to get his only son married before he passes away. Of course you are loyal to your country. But to your father ... "

"..."

"For now, agree to this marriage. We'll talk about the army later. Listen to me."

"OK. . .OK with the marriage. But nobody talks about getting out of the army OK?..."

* * *

The fists of iron. That had made the gun, fire a million bullets. Kill a hundred enemies of his country, were failing him now. He couldn't clutch his gun. He let go. Even after losing the heavy weapon from his hand, his knees were not supporting him, as it had been doing for the past 30 years. He knelt down, bent over and put his palm on the ground for support. Now he could see the blood spilling out from his chest. Pain....

* * *

"Can i not see the lovely face of my wife, even on my first night?"

"..."

"You don't have to blush so much."

"Noo.."

"Whaaat? OK.. ok i won't touch"

"No .. i didn't mean ..."

"So, i should touch?"

"..."

"Give me your hand.."

* * *

The sight of a violent spillage of one's own blood was too much even for the strongest of men. There was silence all around. The fight has moved somewhere else by now. Only distant gunshots well so dim reached his ears. He turned his head around. There was no one. He tried to crawl, but slipped. He fell down. The wounds on his chest came in direct contact with the earth. It stung. In a quick motion, he turned his body. He let his arms relax at his sides and stared at the blank sky. The sky was so blank, that he could not realize that his vision was turning into a blur.

* * *

"Please"

"Sandhya. I told you before the marriage. And i tell you now. I am not leaving the army. Atleast for now."

"..."

"Stop with the sobbing. Your tears will not change my mind."

"You don't know how it feels when there is a slight news of confusion there. I don't want my husband risk his life everyday amidst those animals. They are just animals"

"Sandhya."

"... i meant 'those' soldiers"

"Enemies or not, they deserve respect. Don't let me hear you talk that way again."

"Think about me. You never think about me."

"You knew it when you married me. You accepted it. Now you have to face it."

"..."

"Stop crying sandhya. You know how much i love you. I don't want you to cry."

"I love you too. That's why i want you to quit."

* * *

He wished he was dead already. The cruel nature of death was more painful than the death itself. The spasms he was having by now, the sight of his own blood everywhere he turned, the flashes from the past, the responsibilities he was forfeiting, the people he was leaving ....

No, i have to live. I can't die now. He tried to shout for help. But his voice did not respond. Nor did his body. His spasms stopped. Only then did he observe that the pain was gone. He couldn't feel. He wasn't closing his eyes, but he couldn't see anything. Darkness....

* * *

Thousands of miles away from him, the wife was writing a letter, not aware that there was no need for one now...

"... I can't stand it anymore. I tried, but i could not make you understand. I am writing this letter with pain you can't imagine. The same pain i've been experiencing since you first left me to the army. I am sorry. I don't want to say this. But i deeply wish you will understand. We have to part. Well. Should i even feel sorry? The country is more important to you than me. I know you will get over this. My parents agreed. I am marrying my cousin. We'll arrange for a divorce when you are here. I was waiting for you to come before the marriage, but it's getting late. We are leaving to London next week after the marriage. Please. Understand me. This is inevitable. I have found my true pair. And yours is the country. Again, i hope you understand. Bye.

With utmost respects,

Sandhya"

She had made her mind up. She didn't hesitate when the desicion was made. She beleived she deserved a better partner. She was so frustrated with the husband she had. She didn't even bother to think about him at her second marriage. She didn't cry anywhere, so long. But as she walked towards the postbox to drop in her letter, strangely, a single drop of tear rolled down her cheek. She broke into a shudder, as she wiped it with the side of her palm.

* * *

Is fate, a reality? Has 'He' actually wrote 'our' storylines before we were born? Is that life? Whatever we do, and whatever happens, are they predetermined? If not, why are co-incidences sometimes hard to accept as just co-incidences? Are we really, in the tight hold, of the eternal fists of iron?

Dosa

2005-12-13T18:29:00.000+05:30

Dosa . . . Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. The word itself makes my mouth flood.

Dosa - the universal main dish. Literally anything for side dish or nothing at all, the crisp, shiny, golden crust just makes my toungue want it. More ... more.

One lazy evening, in vellore, my paati made me some dosas. I thought of having sambar with it but she made something new. She boiled some oil and poured it in a cup of milagaa podi(Chilly powder with some spices). . . Heaven . . . on earth.

Another day, there was some left over beans-carrot curry. Mom poured a crisp dosa and while it was still on the tava (frying pan) , she put the curry on it and neatly rolled the dosa and put it on my plate. Contrast - like the black and white.

Once the family went to my uncle's death. My Dad n Mom stayed back and me, my akka and bala came to home in the evening. Amal too came home. Bala said he'll put the tava on one stove and a kadai ( shallow fry pan) on another and make two dosas at a time. But the kadai wasn't so useful. Deep trouble taking the dosas from the kadai (scrambled-dosas!?). So it was discarded. Onion chutney was made. One by one the pilgrims made their way into our stomachs. How many? Hmm? ... I Don't remember :p (Can god count the pilgrims, that are paying him a visit!? I don't think so!)

I was travelling due my college, and on the way, i saw a dhaba. The man took a broomstick (what? ... he uses it only for oiling ... hopefully!) from the oil basin and spread it vigourously on the dosa'kal'( A Stone slab used as a Pan). Quickly, he took a cup full of 'maavu'(dosa batter) and spread it on the dosakal with a remarkable speed. . . What the heck? Park the bike.

My Akka's dosas are remarkable for their crispinezz. But very rarely do i get a chance to taste them. Dosas she makes, also have a tantalizing orange colored crust. The orange crust, dipped into milky white cocunut chutney has a special priority entrance ticket to my mouth.

Once in my friends home, his paati was eating dosa. She asked whether i w'd have one too. Being so 'polite' myself, i didn't want to trouble her and i refused. She broke (yeah - 'BROKE' 'twas sooo crisp) a piece and gave it to me. Bright Red Milagaa Podi was spread on it. She smiled and said it was podi dosa. No, it was a piece of god.

Paati's soft, thick dosa with ragavendra hotel sambar. . . hey! where did my words go?!

Some days when i was in school, dad used to make small, CD sized, verry thick dosas on which he spread milagaa podi with oil. And arranged them in a neat stack inside my tiffin box. . . .Well? The school hit. Guys didn't want to miss it even if it was ice cold during the rains.

VGP's five feet masala dosa. What!? ... What do you mean it's for a whole family. I want another one.

Old Indian saying ... "Eggs poured and scrambled with a little pepper over a half-baked, incredibly thin layer of rice-gram batter on a hot tava turns into unlimited solitary pleasure after one minute."

Thick, dark chicken gravy - Harry potter's pen sieve. Just dip a piece of dosa into it and place it well so slowly on your toungue. Close your mouth and re-live the pleasures you had in your previous life as an emperor.

In a hotel ask for little cups of as many side dishes as they could give you and a masala dosa. Take some of the potato masala and roll a piece of dosa around it. Dip the roll into all of the cups one by one. Cocunut chutney. Onion-Chilly chutney. Pudhina Chutney. Milagaa Podi. The Kurma. And finally make it take a holy bath in sambar. Put this in your mouth and experience the time slow down, without any effort at all.

Today, late in the afternoon, my mom made me a dosa. She only had a little batter, so she made it a large, thin, crisp one. There was nothing for side dish. The 5 yr old girl downstairs, was standing there. The little one asked me whether i w'd like ghee on my dosa. She took the Ghee bottle, opened it herself and put a large spoon of ghee on it. Mmmmmmm . . . Ghee dosa.

Dosa. Special Dosa. Masala Dosa. Rava Dosa. Ghee Dosa. Paper Roast Dosa. Onion Dosa. Egg Dosa. Sweet Dosa. Wheat Dosa. Pudhina Dosa. Podi Dosa. Set Dosa. Kal Dosa. Paneer Dosa. Butter Dosa. Kara Dosa. Cashew Dosa. Whatever-you-name-it Dosa.

Names may be many. But the path is one. And it leads to heaven. God's form in a golden circle. ( Oh :``( ... "whatever happens, i must not cry")

Come on ppl. Lets pay a 2 minute silent tribute to the first ever dosa and it's cook. :)

Men ... (Boys!?)

2005-12-10T15:21:00.000+05:30

I've heard this one too many times now. Girls are sick, weird, cheaters, psychos ... uh? What's with you guys? Turn on the TV you get this. Go to a movie, you guys look at a psycho man who had a love failure and kills one a many women like you look at a hero. 8 of 10 of my friends say that. I know of men (so many) that can't stand a woman riding her bike ahead of him. They just annoy her with horns. (I know, I know .. many women are so lousy on the road) I don't know about this yet, but there seems to be a lot of discrimination at work too. I posted this "Infatuation" blog and i got a few emails 'praising' me. Well i didn't mean to blame girls with that post. If you feel that way, you haven't got the post right.

Male chauvinism is a good thing men. But if you think anything from the above paragraph is chauvinism, you are wrong. Things said about there, are just actions out of jealousy. Weak men get jealous of women, only strong men can be chauvinists.

If one is aggressively patriotic to his sex, he is a male-chauvinist. Such a kind of guy works only towards earning better sights towards him. He has no time for jealousy. A Chauvinist does not care what a woman does or is. His only works towards proving that his sex is stronger and better, not that the opposite sex is weaker. Chauvinists even believe they are so strong that its their responsibility to help out the other sex. ('Chivalry' ... does it strike? The word 'Chivalry' reminds you of the knights on steeds right?)

There is a difference between a male-chauvinist and misogynist. If you think men are good, you are a chauvinist. If you hate women, you are a misogynist. Admit it guys there can be no 100% pure misogynist. It's impossible. People who claim to be misogynists are just lying to themselves and others. You must atleast love your mother!

If the guy from the first paragraph is neither a male-chauvinist nor a misogynist, then what is he? He is just a jealous, insecure, weakling. He is so jealous about others getting ahead of him. He is weak and scared. He is too proud to show his weakness to women. So he lets his poisonous feelings out in that direction, instead of healthy communication.

Chauvinism is good. Get it right boys. Hell, men are not from mars and women are not from venus. We are just from earth. We are all the same. If you think you are the better one, then improve yourself and stand tall. Don't try to push women down. Don't waste your time. How many women are you going to keep pushing, by the way?

If you are a chauvinist, be the daddy not the baddy.

Remember guys...

A good sportsman is one who respects his opponents and yet wins over them.

My Dream Girl

2005-12-09T15:20:00.000+05:30

My first ever poem (well, its a poem isn't it?) ... About my dream girl ...

Mine is like .... ? ....

Dreamy eyes
that swallow me.
Silky locks,
with wind, agree.
Lovely smile
like a child.
Girlish voice
that's well so mild.

Well ..? Guess not... It's tooo good
Mine is more like ...

Tasty Curves and
Nasty thoughts.
Such a tease and
Much a flirt.
Takes me up and
Takes me down.
And on the bed
she is the crown.

NO NO NO...Bad .. Bad girl
How about ...

A flower so cute,
that's humble too.
She loves me hard,
but hates me too.
For my good,
she prays her god.
But when i'm bad
she slaps me hard.

Yeeeeaaaaay, my dream girl.

Mind Log

2005-12-09T15:14:00.000+05:30

Manoj's Mind Log -- Some Date 1991 -- when i was 6 years young.

It's boring. Let me go to the playground. No,it's only 2 o clock yet. Mmmm, how come everyone's sleeping? Where's that magic draw and color thing? Let me see. I don't have any sketch pens ... who cares anyway, this stuff is for girls. Oh my, dad brought home kaju burfis last night.[Yum Yum]

Now what? Playground? Oh it's only 15 minutes past two. Devi had a purse. HeHe, i'll see that. Mmmmm ... Bangles, BusTickets(Hell how did she get this much?), IceCream-Parlour-Handout, Coins, Sketch pens(Color the Bus Tickets Haahaha), Pencil(It's Aishu's!!! .. that culprit), Who's picture is this?(Maybe it's 'show'rukh khan ... who cares). Oh boy she has nothing in her purse. What a silly girl? :)

Playground? No, only 3 o clock. I'm gonna take her purse and burry it beneath the coconut tree. What if it grows into a tree? No, stupid, only seeds sprout not purses. Hmmm must be true.

Well, Bala had a blade yesterday. Let me check it out....Got it. woOow! It's cool. I can cut! I can cut! Cut What? Toothpaste Box! Yeah i'll make a lorry. [cut cut cut] OK, what about the wheels? Hell i can't cut a perfect circle :( OK This is a boat. Yeaay! I'll go show mom. .. Aha better not. I'd have to tell i took the blade. Blaaade ... what else? The pencil in devi's purse. Let me sharpen it. [Snip Snip]. I'll stick this blade into the chair handle and pluck with my finger to make that weird sound. [Twyng Twyng] Oooooooh my finger. Blood! Blood! [OK it's not hurting sissy .. don't make a big deal]. I'll show mom :( Aaha better not. I'd have to tell i took the blade. But what about the blood? I'll leak all the blood in my body and i'm gonna die. Close it! Close it! Yes, Cellotape. [Cellotape around the finger]. I better put the blade back. [And eat more kaju burfis]
.
.
.
Playground? It's almost 4.30. Let me go check if anyone's there. [Mommy, i am going to the playground ... wake up]
.
.
.
Craps let me get this cellotape off. Oh, the blood stopped. Playground! Yeaaay! Uh Oh No one's here yet. Butterflies!!! [Chase Chase Chase]. (Captain FireBolt is chasing enemy spaceships .. Dshoom Dshoom. The enemies are flying like butterflies harharharhaaaa) Gotcha. A Butterfly. The color is coming off on my fingers! Duplicate Butterfly!? Oh yes, butterflies need the color pigments to live. Poor thing. If only i had water colors, i'll paint her back. Anyway off you go, my friends are here. If sathish sees you, he'll tie you to his thumb. Dumb
.
.
[Play Play Play] Drat, i can't bowl. Susi, i wanna bat, you can have all my overs. Oh fine if you don't agree. Craps
.
.
I'm going home. wOw! Idli Upma. [Eat Eat Eat]

Homework darling. You're done. Dad's back! Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaay! ... Oh. So what? He's here. Lemme sleep. What a day!?

Prayer: God, i thank you for what you've given me today. Please make tomorrow a sunday. [Sleep]

Cool Lyrics 1 : Happy Together

2005-12-08T17:33:00.000+05:30

I heard this song recently ... soooooooooo romantic
Its by the 'Turtles' and called 'Happy Together'

Imagine me and you ... i do
I think about you day and night ... Its only right
To think about the girl you love ... and hold her tight
So happy together

If i should call you up ... invest a dime
And you say you belong to me ... and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be ... so very fine
So happy together

[I can't see me loving nobody but you .. for all my life
When you're with me baby the skies'll be blue ... for all my life] chorus

Me and you ... and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice ... it had to be
The only one for me is me for you ... and you for me
So happy together

...how is the weather ... we're happy together ... [blah blah blah]

Dad n Mom

2005-12-07T17:53:00.001+05:30

Day 1

Mom: It seems your mother is coming here (Volume : Normal)
Dad: .. (Volume : Zero)
Mom: Did you hear(Volume : Normal)
Dad: What?(Volume : Sub-normal)
Mom: Oh .. you've stopped paying attention too? Who am i in this house if no one can even listen to me here?(Volume : Super-Normal)
Dad: What now?(Volume : Super-normal)
Mom: I told your mom seems to be coming(Volume : Neighbours-Switched-Off-The-TVs)
Dad: Oh OK(Volume : Sub-normal) <..tries to move out of room..>
Mom: What? OK? Why are you getting out? If you don't care to listen i don't have to be here(Volume : The-dog's-jealous)
Dad: I did listen. Why are you starting this now?(Volume : Super-Normal)
Mom: Answer me.(Volume : Michael-Jackson-live)
Dad: If my mom is coming, let her come. What bothers you?(Volume : Super-normal)
Mom: I am the one that cooks. She just sits there for all day and stinks <..yeah 'STINKS'..> (Volume : My-lungs-just-turned-inside-out)
Mom: Tell her not to come here (Volume : Sub-zero)
Dad: <..Oh my! where is he?..>
Mom: CENSORED <..who is she talking about anyway?..>(Volume : Sub-normal)

Day 2
Mom: ..(Volume : Zero)
Dad: ..(Volume : Zero)
Mom: ..(Volume : Zero)
Dad: ..(Volume : Zero)
Mom: ..(Volume : Zero)
Dad: ..(Volume : Zero)
Mom: ..(Volume : Zero)
Dad: ..(Volume : Zero)
Mom: CENSORED (Volume : Sub-Zero)
Dad: Yeah? That's what your family does. (Volume : Noise-Pollution)<.. well ..?>

......I just live here :)

New Movie

2005-10-05T14:00:00.000+05:30

Yesterday i was to "Ghajini". I don't go to movies at all but the expectation this one created. Real Dumb. Asin was given a nice character(lovely) and the rich Chairman surya was good and for the other part, waste of money. I thought Ramadoss wrote waxless screenplays but no he missed several times in this one. Songs - Bad. Special effects - First Class. ( Why did Nayantara had to show so much skin? Esp. for a medical student ) One song lit my candle up. "Suttum Vizhi Chudare" ( No, not the bharathiyaar lyrics)The Audio i mean. How come Tamil movies never at all touch reality? But they keep talking about it. OK. This movie' s gonna be a hit.

Today's special

2005-08-23T23:51:00.000+05:30

Today i took my violin out back. Long after 5 years i think. I didn't even remember the sounds now. I looked for the book but couldn't find it. So went to T.nagar and bought a new one. The book was 12/- when i learned violin but now it costed me 50/-. OK. I tuned it for a long time ( about 15 minutes ) with my PC for help (Go MIDI!). Then played the very basic things. I played for only half an hour my hands started paining like hell. I have lost the touch. ( Of course i'll regain it in a few days). In the past i have even played for 3 hours non-stop.

( I don't know why... but after playing my violin, i felt this compelling urge to take my moustache off... and i did)

Currently listening to 'Ah..Aah' (Music:A.R.Rahman). Cool numbers.
Currently playing 'Splinter Cell'
Currently reading 'Bad Boy' - Olivia Goldsmith

Requested a bonafide certificate to apply for the CAT. Cleaned my shelf.

Looks like today was one of those 'nice' days.

Infatuation

2005-08-16T22:02:00.000+05:30

It's been more than 3 months since I smoked. But tonight I felt like I wanted to. I have read in magazines that the mind would play tricks to restart a lost addiction. I was feeling it now. Is my mind playing tricks or was it really reminding me? Reminding me her.

I wanted to find out.

I gave in.

It was 9. I took my bike and went to the lake. It was a very peaceful place - With a lot of houses across the road but only one shop. When I used to smoke, I came to this place every evening. Tonight, it looked no different. The lake was not full. It looked like a giant rectangular tub half filled with water. I bought three cigarettes, lit one and sat on the ground besides my bike, parked very close to the lake. Except for the stout woman with glasses in the shop, there was no presence of life around the place. Houses, there were plenty, but no one was out nor were any of the houses open. They should be watching the television. The breeze made my eyes dry. They were wet before.

I was crying.

I kept the lit cigarette in between my fingers and looked at it.

It is now more than a year and a half since she stopped talking to me. We were not in love. No brotherly relationship, not even best friends. We were together only for a year. But what was it? Why am I sad? If she left me, I didn’t lose anything.

She was alphabetically next to me. So we had to do lab experiments together. That is how we met. It felt like she was the most innocent living being I’ve ever seen. I asked her when she would turn 4. She gave a false frown with a smile and said she was 19. We had a lot of fun. I was teasing her for her innocent behavior whenever I got a chance. She was helping me with my poor studies whenever she got a chance. We grew closer.

I found out one day that her father died before many years. I commiserated inside my heart. But never talked about it to her. We grew closer.

She called me on the phone. First time. But only to remind me to do the assignments. Still I felt happy. She called me. The next day too. She told me with false anger that I was supposed to call her often but I never did. I felt sorry. I started calling her often. She started telling me spiritual things. Don’t listen to your heart, listen to your brain - she told me once. Now I feel I should have left her that instance. She kept telling me to stop smoking and I kept telling her to stop drinking (although she didn’t drink). We grew closer.

I had a surgery on my elbow. I didn’t tell her about it. The next day when I arrived home from the hospital she called. Asked in a concerned, frightened voice whether I really had a surgery. Some one had told her. She told me about her sinus trouble. She kept talking to me for more than an hour and a half. When she said "Take care" and hung up the phone, I felt like I was the most beloved person in the world. We grew closer.

I was going very bad in studies. This semester I didn’t even finish my record until the last date. She sat by my side. She completed the diagrams for me. I thought she would have been my sister in my past life. She gave me notes to study. Aren’t these things normal? Aren’t these things just favors to a friend from one? Then why did they feel so special? I couldn’t understand. I kept thinking about it hoping to find out. But sleepless, thoughtful nights passed by but kept proving me that burning midnight oil was worthless. We grew closer.

Strangely, no matter how warm she felt to me, how much care she took for me, how cute she looked. I couldn’t stop teasing her. Once when she shared her lunch with me, I took a spoon of mushroom rice to her mouth and then took it away the moment she opened her mouth to eat it. I laughed. But I won't accept that the wetness I saw in her eyes was an illusion. I was confused. What should I have done? Say Sorry? I didn’t. I never said sorry to people. I don’t believe in it. If someone understood you, they won’t expect a ‘sorry’ and if they didn’t understand you, ‘sorry’ is not going to work. We grew closer. Or so I thought.

Who is that guy? Why is he sitting near her? I couldn’t bear it. I knew I should not bother. But I went and sat near them. She told him - "let’s go over there’. Without even minding my presence they went to a further bench. What? Why? How could she? She was moving away. What is the distance between possessiveness and jealousy by the way? I was wandering in between.

I felt heavy. We had an argument. She was speaking very cold. It was painful. Another day I gave her a chocolate. She refused. It was painful. I was angry. Angry the way a child would be with his sister. ‘Give me back the gifts I gave you’. She brought them back to me the next day. She gave me all my love back - in a white polythene cover. This is not the way I wanted it back. The keychain with a pink dressed girl I gave her. She gave it back. Last year I had spent 3 days all over the city searching for a keychain to give her. I brought home everything and kept them safe. Even though I didn’t want to. She was moving away. What is the distance between rejection and anger by the way? I was wandering in between.

I was left behind. She couldn’t hear me. She couldn’t sense the shudders I silently broke into whenever I saw her with the new guy. Why aren’t men allowed to cry aloud? It’s unfair. I was a man. I could not cry. I could not hate at her. I let go my pride. My ego. My humor. My anger. My sarcasm.

I begged.

But she was cruel. She stopped talking with me. She started avoiding me. But then men are not allowed to beg either. Then what? What should I do? I could not see what I must do. But then how could I see with wet eyes. All these days I thought being a woman was tough job. Now I was learning that I was wrong. Women can cry. Women can beg. Women can be careless. The world would accept it. But not when a man does it. What are men supposed to do? I never found out.

I bent over and looked back at my cigarette. It was over and had gone off. I never kept it on my lips. The time was a little over 10. I threw the other two cigarettes away. I went back to the shop and asked for a cup of coffee. A boy - about 18 years old was speaking on the phone. He was listening intently for several seconds. Then he spoke in a shivering voice, "Please da ... don’t leave me like this. I feel like dying ... ". As I sipped my coffee, I observed his face.

I saw a glitter of wetness in his eyes.

But i thought ...

Men don’t cry.

The Musician

2005-08-15T00:55:00.000+05:30

It was a temple. The kind which is quiet on other days, but on some auspicious ones becomes a crowded, "non-templish" place. The temple was on one side of a very busy road. On the other side of the road a little ahead of the temple was an empty ground. An empty ground which has been so for so many days, that it had become a "mini"-dump and a grazing ground for a few athletic goats which were skilled enough to jump over the walls. A thoughtful being would readily see the irony in the two sides of that road. Nearby there were a couple of shops selling religious merchandise, a general provisions shop, a coffee store, a construction materials agency and a music shop. It really seemed a very odd place for the temple. But it hasn’t lost its grace in any way.

Today was a crowded day - A Festival. After dark, when the noise of the festival was going down. The loud speakers that were merrily singing the praise of the female deity of the temple were no longer sending anything over the air. But only the noise had faded - not the crowd. The Festival was not over yet. The prayers were done, the bells were tired, the food was finished. But the crowd did not budge. Of course a few unfortunate people turn up for festivals to have a hand on free food and they were gone. The people remaining there were waiting. Waiting for him. The musician.

It seemed to be an expensive arrangement. The musician was a violinist. A renowned, respected one. And of course, he was a master at his instrument. He looked young at heart even though he had lived for more than 70 years on this world. The musician had a stunning history. He had played. He had had the most respectable of audiences. He had been on the most precious of stages. He had been the nightmare for critics. He had been the sedative for his fans. A Playful teacher for his accompany. A responsible showman. The respect he had for his music reflected itself on his proud gestures. He wore a silk shirt. The white rosin stains around the fingerboard and the rosin so visibly deposited on the strings somehow displayed the violin’s pride even to people who never knew what a violin was. Strangely, no one could think that the violin was dirty. May be it was the musician’s reputation. The eccentric gestures he made with his face made the people enjoy him without the slightest knowledge on music. Even the deaf looked at him with awe.

The musician was finally on the stage. The show manager had all the knowledge of his reputation and skill. Yet all that was visible to him was the prestige he was going to bring to the temple. The stage was set. In the empty ground. The garbage collected to one half of the ground and the stage set on the other half. Since the garbage was so old, muddling it up had brought a faint smell that prevailed. The audience were plenty. The road was in confusion. The traffic moving through the audience. The musician rubbed his nose and turned around to find the reason for the smell. And he found it too. The heap of garbage. He didn’t flinch. He wanted to give them music and he did. After he had finished one song, it started to drizzle. But the audience did not move. They liked him. But the smell was still bothering him. He turned to the garbage heap once again.

This time he saw something.

Some animal.

Dead.

It’s insides were squeezed out of its body and it had been carelessly mixed up in the garbage. It seemed like it was a victim of a speeding vehicle on the road. Suddenly, the musician felt that the smell was growing. Although it was not.

The musician looked at the show manager. The show manager looked grateful even though he had paid the musician. He was beaming with pride. He was happy that his temple had been graced by the musician’s presence. It seemed like he had no discomfort at all. The traffic still moving in-between the audience, the smell or the rain which was getting heavier in a very slow pace did not bother him at all. He was happy.

The audience didn’t leave. They felt proud to watch the musician. They didn’t want to shorten their "splendid" experience. They were going to stay there until the end of the show.

The musician played.

In the last row of the audience, there was a young woman and her mother. The mother said to her daughter, "He never sounded so dull ... must be his age".

Hello world

2005-08-14T17:54:00.000+05:30

This is my blog and you are gonna love it